


MESSIAH メサイア -終乃刻- (Owari no Toki)

by kiranosaurusrex



Category: Messiah Project - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-23
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-10-22 22:46:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 43,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10706730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiranosaurusrex/pseuds/kiranosaurusrex
Summary: Set after my ficMESSIAH メサイア -蘇生乃刻- (Sosei no Toki)As such, it contains HEAVY SPOILERS for Akatsuki no Toki.This is my own continuation of the storyline presented in canon, so it should be classified as AU.





	1. Prologue - Loose Ends

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to "Team Eggsiah Project"
> 
> You are all fantastic and I love you to tiny bits ;A; <3
> 
>  
> 
> MESSIAH メサイア -終乃刻- (Owari no Toki) means "End's Time" or "Time of the End"
> 
> Some of these ideas had been stuck in my head for a while and after talking to my beloved "Team Eggsiah Project", I decided to give writing a multi-part a shot to flesh everything out.
> 
> The fic will most likely focus on Mamoru and Kaito as well as Souma and Shuusuke but there will be appearances by other characters as well, although they might not get as much attention.
> 
> I can already promise appearances by Ariga, Kagami, Mamiya and Salyut though and there might also be more on Ichijima, Kamikita and Kuroko if my muse cooperates.

The Northern Union wasn’t stupid, they took precautions in order for the Specter soldiers to not be killed too easily. Helmets, masks, steel plates, you name it. Protective measures had been put into place. It robbed him of precious time and an escape route. Ariga cursed.

His mission wouldn’t have led him to this area under normal circumstances but it had seemed like the safest way out. He had been wrong and had walked straight into a nest of Specters.

Suddenly, said Specters seemed to stop in their movements and one after another collapsed onto the floor after what looked like spasms of short circuiting.

When Ariga scanned the room for movement, he spotted a figure clad in black emerging from behind some crates. The clothes were familiar. It was a member of SAKURA like himself. He couldn’t make out the other’s face from this distance but something about the movements seemed familiar. There was definitely a feeling of recognition.

The other seemed to have spotted him and gestured for him to follow. It was what Ariga had wanted, a way out. So he did. Maybe it was wrong to trust the other so easily but his gut feeling told him that he could, that the other was a real SAKURA and had just helped him.

Ariga wondered whether the other had been on a retrieval mission, he was carrying something with him. Again, there was a feeling of recognition but Ariga couldn’t quite grasp it.

Not until he got closer to the other in one of the dark alleys surrounding this Northern Alliance outpost. The scarf wrapped around the other had partially slipped down, revealing more of his face. It was a face Ariga was very familiar with. A face he thought he would never see again. It was only natural for suspicion to be the first thing that hit him and he drew his gun.

“Who are you?”

The other didn’t flinch. Instead, he smiled. “You know who I am, Ariga. He and I couldn’t just let you die here. Don’t worry, we’re not going against any of SAKURA’s orders. We’ve finished our mission and just happened to pass by here on our way out. Plus, I still owed you one.” There was some sound of movement above them and when Ariga looked up, he spotted another figure, clad in SAKURA gear, up on the roof. “I have to go. We’ll meet again someday. Take good care of that gun, he says.” With that the other grabbed onto a rope and was pulled up and out of Ariga’s sight before he could so much as react.

He shook off his feeling of shock? Maybe surprise, a second after and then followed his own orders. No matter what, he still had a mission to complete.

The mission led him back to the Church a few weeks later, to report directly to Ichijima. To Ariga’s surprise, the other did not give him a cryptic explanation about that particular part of his report but a straightforward one. A part of Ariga made a comment at the back of his mind about how the world was going to end because Ichijima had been straightforward for once. Another part of him commented that this was very possible actually, so better not say it too loud.

“The Necromancer has stayed true to his name.” Ichijima leaned back into his chair. “Although the real necromancer is Shirasaki Mamoru. He raised Yuuri Kaito from the dead. And just like with a necromancer from the books, Yuuri Kaito’s life will run out of his does for an animated corpse needs to be sustained by the power of the necromancer who raised it.”

He made a sound of acknowledgement. A part of him felt happy for both of his friends when he heard his hopes confirmed. Both Shirasaki and Yuuri deserved it. Deserved as much of a happy end as they could get in this line of work.

“Kagami should be returning from his mission soon as well. Get some rest and I will let you know about your next mission as soon as possible.”

Oh the world was most definitely coming to an end.


	2. Mission Start

Mamoru tried to work out a kink in his neck when he and Kaito left the simulation room again after locking themselves into it for hours - if not for the clock on the monitor, he wouldn’t even know how long they had been inside. The number scared him a little bit. “Some of your movements still seem a little stiff but all in all I think you’re back to normal? I personally cannot find much that I find out of the ordinary.”

A few days had passed since their unexpected reunion. Mamoru was surprised at himself at how fast he had gotten used to the other again. He would have thought that it would feel unreal for a little while longer but now it almost seemed like Kaito had never been gone. Or well, never been different from how he was now. Alive. Human.

“Oh but there are some times when your movements seem way too analytic. It costs you valuable seconds. But I think regaining something like instincts will take a while still.” He added and put away the simulation room gun and tracking bracelet.

“I’m well aware of that,” next to him, Kaito did the same. “I tried myself to write some parts that weren’t me out of the code that I had become. But I wasn’t able to get everything out. Even Dr. Three and Dr. One can’t do anything about it. A part of me will remain changed. My consciousness is mine and mine alone, I swear but there are things that are, or were, someone else’s. Who knows whose skills or knowledge these were but I guess they’re mine now.” Kaito disassembled the gun while he talked with Mamoru and then reassembled it easily, without even looking at it. “I guess I should be thankful for these. They’re useful. So I’ve embraced these skills, this knowledge and made it a part of me. But knowledge alone can’t move my body, so that will take some time, just as you said. Things must be hard for you, too? I’ve changed...”

“Don’t worry about that. Those things are pretty minor, really.” He reassured his Messiah. And truth be told, the only thing Mamoru had to readjust to was Kaito’s actual body and body size. He had fought together with the other a number of times before when Kaito had taken over a Specter during the missions - whenever available. So of course it had always been a different body. Now, the other was back in his own body. 

Most of Mamoru remembered how his Messiah felt and moved, so it didn’t take long to get used to it again. There were new things to memorize of course but it was mutual. His fighting style had also changed after working alone, working in the field. All of these things were such small, trivial sacrifices compared to not having Kaito around anymore. Nothing was worth more than having the other back. Properly. So he wasn’t going to complain.

“We’ll be sent out on your graduation mission once you feel up for it. So, whenever you’re ready, Kaito.” Mamoru patted the other’s back. “You lead and I’ll follow.” He gave Kaito a stern look. “Don’t think of drawing out the time we’re here because you think that it’s less likely for me to get killed here, you hear?”

“I wouldn’t do that. Give me some credit,” Kaito pouted.

Laughing, Mamoru patted the other’s back. “Don’t look at me like that. I was joking.” To make up for it, he stole a brief kiss from Kaito. It seemed to put the other in a better mood again, as anticipated. “You said earlier there was something you had planned for today?”

Kaito’s face lit up and he nodded. “Yes! I got permission from Commander Ichijima to go outside with you. Just for a few hours but it’s better than nothing.”

“You seem excited,” Mamoru noted and then he remembered that it had to be the first time that Kaito would be wandering the streets among the living again. From what he had heard from his Messiah, the other had been holed up inside the Church ever since he had come back to life.

A smile tugged his lips up. “Well, let’s get showered and changed then. I won’t be one to waste that precious time you got us.” He meant that in more ways than one and he was sure that Kaito got the deeper meaning behind those words. The other took his hand and they went back towards their shared room like that.

Considering the time of day - or rather night - there was not much for them to do. They had ramen at a place that was still open and which was run by people who looked like they could be Yaegashi and Hayashi’s best friends or maybe franchise partners, Mamoru had heard about how the two senior spies had run a Chinese restaurant once upon a time. One that had apparently served some rather addicting fried rice.

Once their bellies had been filled and they had warmed up, they had gone for a walk - hopping from dead angle to dead angle. Who knows where enemies were waiting for them, who knows whether a sniper was aiming for them, ready to take them out in a moment of carelessness. In the end, they returned to the Church - via a different entrance than the one they had used to get out. After making sure that nobody had been following them, they went inside.

Back in their room, Mamoru blinked when a surprise waited for him there.

A cake.

“Where did this come from? And why?” He turned to look at Kaito, who just smiled back at him shyly. Mamoru knew that this couldn’t be anyone but his doing.

Kaito held Mamoru’s gaze and replied, “We didn’t get to celebrate your birthday properly. So I thought we could make up for it?”

Laughing and shaking his head, Mamoru commented, “As if I would care about that.”

“I do!” Kaito protested but then looked down. “But I admit that I also felt like having cake, okay happy now?” Kaito huffed softly and for a moment, Mamoru felt like they were back in their old apartment. That stubborn insistence and defiance, it was one of the things he liked about Kaito. Although it was troublesome sometimes, it was also very endearing.

In a softer tone, Kaito added then, “It’ll probably be the last for a long time.”

“Is that also why you wanted ramen?” Mamoru had had a feeling.

“You knew because you totally ordered all those vegetables to go with it.” Kaito retorted.

“Point.”

Ah, despite spending time apart, despite being beings in two different worlds for a while, they were still able to understand each other like this. There was still an invisible connection, an invisible bond that tied them together that allowed them to communicate without words. This, more than anything else, gave Mamoru a feeling of reassurance. Of comfort.

The kind of comfort that could only be provided by another human being.

Producing two forks, Kaito offered him one and they sat down by the low coffee table and then devoured the small cake in no time. Mamoru playfully tried to feed Kaito - careful not to get any whipped cream onto the other’s long bangs that covered one half of Kaito’s face. 

Once the cake was in their bellies, the two of them changed before they crawled into bed. And that’s where they curled up and stayed until morning. Or whatever time it was that their alarms would go off. Sometimes time didn’t really matter at the Church. It was easy to lose track of it without any windows or regular schedules. Only glances at watches and clocks told them what time or day it was. The only time when time was important was on missions.

At the Church, time seemed to be endless and eternal sometimes. A stark contrast to reality, considering that the days were numbered for most if not all people at the Church. The end could come at any time. It could be the next training mission, it could be after graduation. It could be the next moment - a moment so brief measured in seconds or minutes but it could feel like an eternity to those living in it - or it could be in years to come - which might feel like they passed in a flash. Time was such an illusion.

When Mamoru woke up again and didn’t find Kaito next to him, he almost expected himself to feel some sort of fear. Some cold realization that things had been a dream after all but there was nothing like that. Kaito was still there. Not in this room right now, but around. He was real. Mamoru was certain of that.

As certain as he was about the whereabouts of his Messiah.

Once he got himself dressed and ready, he headed down to the training area. He kept himself hidden in the shadows and observed what went down inside the simulation room. From his vantage point, he could clearly make out three figures. The tall, broad shouldered one was Yugi, the shorter one next to him was Miike and the third person wearing the SAKURA cadet coat in the room was none other than Kaito.

The fact that his Messiah was wearing his cadet coat again made Mamoru’s eyebrow quirk up in slight confusion but there was a hint of amusement as well. He felt the other was up to something. It would be worth watching, so he stayed hidden.

“Oh hey look, someone’s already in the simulation room. Hey you, you don’t have a training partner? Where’s your Messiah?” Miike called out.

“Ah, he should be here shortly,” Kaito smiled. The two had not recognized him apparently, or the tone they used with a senior member of SAKURA like Kaito wouldn’t be so casual. Although Mamoru knew that Miike didn’t give a rats ass about being polite or anything like that, really, so maybe that didn’t matter. “Although if you would like, we can get started with just the three of us? I might be enough.” Heh, look at how confident his Messiah sounded now. There had been a time when Kaito would have shied away from something like this.

“Is that so? Well, don’t regret those words.” Miike laughed. “Let’s go.”

“Don’t order me around.” Yugi grumbled. “But well if he wishes for it, so be it.” He looked at Miike. “This time, don’t lose.”

“Right back at you.”

They were ‘dead’ on the floor a few minutes later.

“Who are you, you are crazy strong,” Miike looked up, chest heaving.

Behind them, the door to the simulation room opened. “Isn’t it a little unfair for you to wear that coat and confuse them?” He was reprimanding his Messiah, or at least he was trying to because he couldn’t keep the amusement out of his voice.

“I do not have the right to wear the other uniform yet.”

“Well, what do you think then, Kaito? Of the current SAKURA cadets.” Mamoru walked in and then offered Miike and Yugi a hand to help them up.

Miike blinked, “Wait, that’s Yuuri Kaito?”

“I’ll have to mark that down on your report sheets. You’ve seen pictures of Kaito before. How come you didn’t recognize him?” Mamoru scolded the younger two.

It was no excuse that they hadn’t met Kaito before really. They had seen pictures of the other during the whole Necromancer ordeal at least. Mamoru was sure of that. Kaito, too, had only seen the new cadets briefly before things had gone haywire. When he had been sent on the mission to destroy the Necromancer and save Mamoru, the three had still been recovering from their surgeries. But he knew all about them - at least from what he had been able to find about them in the databases and from what Mamoru had told him. Kaito liked to keep himself informed after all and he had almost no problem of getting his hand on information.

“Your score isn’t bad. You two are a good combination but there’s just a gap between a well working pair of Messiah and a ‘real’ pair of Messiah. But I’m sure you’ll be able to become one in the future.” Mamoru smiled once they stepped outside again. “When our seniors graduated, we swore to overcome them and worked hard to do so. And we managed. We beat their scores and we became a pair worthy to be called their peers now.”

Kaito looked at the pair as well. For a moment his eyes became a little distant but then he looked down at one of the computer screens, fingers flying over the controls as he returned the simulation room settings to normal and recorded the training outcome. “If you can get rid of whatever wall it is that exists between you. You do not trust each other fully. If you can’t do that, you won’t be able to continue. Unless you really trust each other you won’t be Messiah.”

While Yugi seemed to think about what Kaito had just said, Miike changed the subject. “Wait, what are you saving that record under?” He stopped Kaito for a moment. Miike then looked at some of the training records that Kaito had opened. “These are from the old Church simulation room but still, some of these scores are ridiculous. Or the times spent in that room.”

“It just shows how good our seniors became after having trained here.” Yugi commented.

“Miike, you wanted to find out how strong one can get with their Messiah, right?” Mamoru appeared behind the other and smirked as he placed a hand on Miike’s shoulder. “Want to find out right now? We’re good to go any time.”

“I think we’ll pass. Getting my ass kicked once per day should be enough.” With that Miike shuffled out. Yugi bowed - in apology - to both Mamoru and Kaito before he left to follow his Messiah. Mamoru and Kaito shared a meaningful look before Kaito went back to typing.

While his Messiah filled out the necessary information, Mamoru went to stand next to him and with a soft sigh remarked, “Kaito, you know I can’t approve of your mischief.”

“You shouldn’t but that doesn’t mean you can’t. And I know you do. Approve that is.” Kaito retorted without looking up from what he was doing.

Laughing softly, Mamoru leaned back. “Touché.”

“But really, I haven’t actually earned the right to take off this coat, yet. It’s only because you graduated already that they made me match you. You finished that mission by yourself. I was not there for it,” Kaito turned serious again.

“But I didn’t do it by myself. And I don’t mean it in the way that I had Momose-san as a substitute. You /were/ there with me. You were also out there with me while you didn’t have your body back yet, so in that sense you aren’t exactly able to wear that coat any longer either. You have seen and experienced more than any of the cadets. This logic works both ways.” Mamoru was just as serious. “My graduation was a special case to start with. So I guess we’ll just have another special case for you.”

Defiance between them could go both ways. It was because they butted heads like this sometimes that they got along so well, that they trusted each other more than anyone else.

Mamoru reached over and shut down the system when Kaito was finished before the other could do anything else. “You haven’t eaten yet, have you? Let’s go eat.” It was one of the things Kaito still needed to get used to again - his body had human needs. Mamoru took it upon himself to remind the other of those time and again.

Sure, when they were on missions the feelings of hunger or thirst or other needs had to be suppressed but right now, they didn’t have to be. Here, they could still be humans. They did not have to function like machines.

“Sorry. I kept you waiting.” Kaito looked a little guilty and then followed Mamoru to the kitchen.

“Don’t apologize.” Mamoru shook his head and then casually laced their fingers together. It might not be completely appropriate to show such affection so openly at the Church but maybe he was feeling just a tad bit rebellious right now. Kaito seemed to appreciate it because Mamoru felt his Messiah squeezing his hand back gently.

They were just finishing their food when Kuroko came to tell them that they had been summoned by Ichijima. Mamoru and Kaito shared a look and then rose from their chairs.

Maybe it was intuition but somehow they both new that this summons meant that it was time.

Ichijima was sitting behind his desk, face guarded as usual. Nothing to give away his intentions or thoughts. He regarded both Mamoru and Kaito in silence for a few moments before he turned away slightly, hands folded in his lap. “I assume that you already guessed why I had you both come here. I am going to announce your mission.” Both of them straightened up. “Since your case is a special case, your graduation mission will also be a special one.”

He placed a picture onto the table for Kaito and Mamoru to see. Both of them tensed a little when they laid eyes onto the face shown on it.

It was someone they were both familiar with. Someone they might harbor not entirely positive feelings for. Someone who had been, until rather recently, walked these halls as well. Someone who had had a big impact on both of their lives, especially as they were now.

Mamoru didn’t realize that his hand had curled into a fist until Kaito touched it gently and prompted him to relax again. He shouldn’t get carried away. He shouldn’t let his feelings and emotions get the better of him. This was a mission. Personal feuds should not have a place in them, for they might jeopardize everything.

Kuroko brought over a file and handed it to Kaito, while Ichijima continued to talk, “Dr Ten was most likely taken to the Northern Alliance’s cyber terror division. Spy software and cyber terror are their specialty. One of your senior SAKURA graduates has been keeping an eye on their actions. You will have to get further information from him.” Ichijima smirked. “It will be your mission to get that information from him and then to await further instructions. Sounds simple but I must warn you that it will be a most difficult task to accomplish. For he is, just like you, a member of SAKURA.”

They were dismissed then. Kaito went straight to one of the computer rooms to start his research. Mamoru looked over his Messiah’s shoulder as the other started. He had the feeling that Kaito wanted to do as much of this alone as he could - to make up for the fact that he hadn’t been able to help Mamoru with his mission. So Mamoru respected that wish. “He didn’t give you any other information other than the fact that the target is another member of SAKURA.”

“He gave me enough. It’s to test my skills after all.” Kaito replied and his fingers flew over the keyboard. There were several windows open on the screen and Mamoru noticed that two others were hooked up to the machine as well. He got a little dizzy looking at all the processes. It wasn’t like he didn’t know anything about this but he had his hands full keeping up with one monitor. But Kaito had always been good at this. And maybe now, he had become even better.

He raised an eyebrow when another window popped up. “Wait, shouldn’t that just now have made one of Dr. Three’s hacking alarms go off?”

Kaito smiled, “Under normal circumstances, yes. If this had been anyone but me.”

“How come?” Mamoru blinked.

“I was in this system for a while when they were restoring me. I know it inside and out. It’s like a part of my body. And as such, I can control it. It’s like an itch you can’t scratch.” Kaito explained and then a multitude of other windows popped up across all screens. The pace Kaito was going at made Mamoru dizzy.

“You’re-”

Kaito paused for a moment and looked at his Messiah. “Don’t worry, I am not connected physically but I can still see and feel it. It’s like a sixth sense.”

Mamoru nodded and then fell silent after that to give Kaito some peace and quiet to work. It took quite a while until a picture and a data file appeared up on one of the screens in front of them and Kaito’s fingers came to a halt as both of them looked at the information. “This should be him. Graduated from the Church over three years ago, Shiba Shuusuke.”

“It sounds familiar. I think I’ve heard his name before. From Ichijima but also from Mitsumi-san and Kaidou-san.” Mamoru remembered that their seniors had also operated in a group of four like he, Kaito, Ariga and Kagami (or Mamiya) but that the other pair of SAKURA had graduated just before Mamoru and Kaito had joined. His eyes widened slightly when he saw another name listed alongside the one of Shiba Shuusuke. “He is Goujou-san’s Messiah!”

“That Gojou-san,” Kaito sucked in his breath a little. Mamoru remembered how Kaito hadn’t seemed to like Gojou too much. Maybe he had been a little intimidated by the other. Mamoru, too, had felt a lot of respect for their senior to say the least. Maybe even more now that he’d seen some of what the other SAKURA graduates had been facing all this time. The other’s name had come up not only on their side but on the enemy’s as well.

“If he’s just as good as Gojou-san, I guess it’ll be quite a challenge to find him,” Kaito laughed softly. “As one would expect of this mission.”

They tracked the other across the globe. It took both of them several days to find definite locations - despite Kaito’s superior control over the computer systems. 

Also, their target was not making it easy for them. Despite this being his ‘homebase’ he made himself hard to find. Mamoru assumed that it was a precaution. Along the lines of ‘if your allies cannot find you then your enemies will not be able to either’. He made sure to file that information somewhere for later. It would surely come in handy. 

After what seemed like far too long, they finally managed to map out the other’s movements: Shiba Shuusuke had been stationed in England for a while to check out the MI6. Then he had made his way through Poland and Belarus to Russia. He had been around the Northern Alliance’s headquarters for a while but then moved on. Finally, they managed to find his current position and roughly narrow it down to an outpost close to the coast of the Japanese sea. 

Kaito was tracing the contact points with SAKURA, which seemed like the most secure way of finding and tracking SAKURA agents. Of course there were not always direct ways of communication so they couldn’t be 100% sure that the other was where they had traced the signal to but it was their best shot. They had factored in a margin of error.

“This is our best shot. That’s the best we can do from a distance.”

“Let’s go then.”

Once they had arranged their transportation, they set off.

A few hours later, they arrived in the small port town and moved to their safe house. It overlooked the ocean. Mamoru felt a little uneasy about it - and he wasn’t alone, Kaito wouldn’t even move close to the windows and instead distracted himself with setting up some equipment.

Neither of them was very fond of the ocean. For obvious reasons. Mamoru would take the snowy cliffs surrounding the Northern Alliance headquarter over the ocean any day.

“I’ve laid out the bait. We’ll have to see if he reacts to it.” Kaito pressed a button and then lookde at the numbers flashing across the screen. “I have already mapped out the communications network of this entire town. It’s a quite limited, simple structure.”

Once more, Mamoru was a little taken aback by the way Kaito looked at these things now. No other human being would probably be able to understand it or do the same. Kaito was the only one who had these abilities. They had come with a price, though. “Your advantage is that nobody knows about your abilities. Well, nobody but me.” He doubted that even Ichijima or the doctors at the Church knew the full extent of Kaito’s abilities. Even Mamoru himself wondered whether he did - the only person who knew for sure was Kaito himself.

“I’m trying to use that to my advantage.” A beeping sound drew away their attention. Kaito hummed. “He’s here. That was faster than I thought. Now what...”

Of course they couldn’t just walk up to the other and ask him for the information. They had deliberately not been given anything from the Church to identify them either, so things were a bit tricky. Kaito had baited the other by offering ‘information about M. G.S.’ to the other. A coded message the other would understand - had understood. It wasn’t hard to decipher if you knew what to look for. Actually it was so easy it would seem silly but maybe that would cause people to doubt their initial guess. Something that seemed too easy might be the most suspicious.

Mamoru was giving himself a headache, so he decided to stop thinking about things for a bit.

“He doesn’t know that I know where he accessed his communication channel from just now. We should move immediately or we might risk him moving away now that he’s had contact with someone who knows his current location.” Kaito grabbed a few things and jumped into action.

More acting and less thinking was good. Mamoru followed his Messiah. “Lead the way. Do you have a plan yet?”

“I’ll make one up on the fly. No time for planning.”

“Trial by fire, I see.” Mamoru chuckled and they moved out into the cold.

Moving around a small town unseen - especially as strangers who had just arrived hours ago - was no small feat but it was not impossible. This was still within the boundaries of what they had been trained in, what they had done many times and could probably still do when half-asleep. The difficult part would be the actual confrontation. When dealing with actual people training and all preparation became almost useless in most cases. 

Kaito and Mamoru moved past people conversing in the hallway of the building they had tracked the other to. The sound of soft laughter - an old lady talking to a man by the sound of it - covered the sound of their footsteps. From what Mamoru could tell - his Russian was still limited - the pair was only exchanging pleasantries. The lady offering the man something to eat and then showing off her grandchildren who were living somewhere on the other side of the country. 

He tuned out of the conversation then.

Kaito beckoned for him to come closer. “I am going to cause a blackout of the whole apartment block. It apparently happens from time to time in this town. We can use that both as a distraction and cover.” He checked his watch. “Let’s align our watches. We have five minutes.”

Said and done. Mamoru confirmed the positions of things and people. He’d be providing cover for Kaito once they moved inside.

The blackout came just as scheduled. They could hear groans and complaints as the residents scrambled to deal with the sudden darkness. Picking the lock did not take long - no matter how difficult or sophisticated, this was one of the things they had been practicing so much they could do it in their sleep. Kaito had checked for boobytraps at the door as well just in case.

Inside, Kaito was quick to confirm the presence of one person. Most likely their target. So far so good. Now they’d just have to find an opportunity to well, talk with the other.

Suddenly the lights around them went on again. It was a brief moment of near blindness but it was enough to tip the scale. They scrambled for cover but there was not much they could hide behind and really, it was probably no use anyway because they had already been seen. In the end they found themselves in a room with their target and things went a little out of control. 

Mamoru cursed and gripped his gun tighter as he looked around. Shiba Shuusuke - or whoever had been inside the apartment - had somehow disappeared from their sight. He had gotten the feeling just a moment ago that something was off - things had gone too smoothly. They had been too naive. Worst case scenario was that they had both blindly walked into a trap. 

Before he had been able to warn Kaito about it, the lights had turned on and they had been caught out in the open and their target had vanished - using their superior knowledge of the inside of the apartment and maybe also their skills and experience that probably surpassed Mamoru’s and Kaito’s own many times over.

He was still looking around when his Messiah was engaged out of the blue and then subsequently disarmed as well. In a matter of seconds, Kaito was on the ground - rendered unable to move and Mamoru found two guns pointed at him before he could so much as think of how to turn the situation around again in their favour. 

Mamoru stared down the gun of the person in front of him, the one who was restraining Kaito. Another gun had audibly clicked right up against his head from behind.

It looked like both of them would be paying the price for their naivete. It was game over.

“You are dead.”


	3. Trials, Tribulations and Training

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First half of the chapter is Mamoru's POV, second half is Kaito's POV
> 
> This is pretty emotionally heavy at times, so don't read if you're feeling down? ._.

“You are dead. Or you would be, if this had been a different situation. Your plan was not bad but a little naive. Also,do you want to know why both guns are aimed at you, Shirasaki Mamoru?” It was a familiar voice that spoke up from behind him.

“Gojou-san!” Mamoru’s eyes widened in realization but also surprise. He had not expected the other to be here. Maybe that had been the fatal flaw.

He could hear Souma relaxing behind him a little but the person holding down Kaito was not moving an inch. Not until Souma spoke, “Put down the gun, Shuusuke. These two are with us.”

“How can you be so sure, Souma?” A pair of dark brown eyes narrowed.

“I’ve seen them.” Souma said and put away his own first. “I’ve seen both of them risking each other’s lives for each other. For their Messiah. Going beyond oneself in order to do that is proof enough for me that they mean it. And they’re real Messiah. You remember them as well, don’t you? From the Necromancer incident. We were all watching.”

“The real Yuuri Kaito in the flesh, is it. That would explain his overly logical movements. A quick analysis just like a computer but with the same flaws of a computer.” Shuusuke smiled and then got off Kaito and put his weapon away as well. Then he looked at them. “Didn’t think we would be breaking a rule? You did not expect Souma to be here as well. Didn’t even take it into consideration. I knew the moment your message came in that it was a trap or at least a fake. So we were prepared. We didn’t know who would be coming but we knew someone would.”

Mamoru put his gun away when the other two did. Kaito, too, reached for his own and put it back in his holster as well. There was an expression of disappointment on his face - most likely with himself. They’d be talking about this later, Mamoru was sure of it.

Souma beat him to it, though. “Don’t take it so hard. I bet Ichijima made you do this, huh? It was a good and logical attempt. And really, if Shuusuke was still the person he used to be a few years ago, this might have worked but unfortunately people change.”

“Because you would have taken him down with you.” Kaito muttered.

“Eh?” Mamoru blinked.

Souma blinked but then mused as he crossed his arms. “You’re quick.” Mamoru was confused. Apparently Souma knew what Kaito was referring to but he was a little lost.

Shuusuke arched an eyebrow. Mamoru felt left out. Everyone seemed to know.

Kaito balled his fist. “Instead of aiming a gun at me, who was without a weapon, you aimed it at the one who was still an active threat to you. And if he had taken you out, you would have taken him down with you, causing larger damage to me than me getting shot would have. And with your life, one life, you would have taken two of SAKURA’s.”

He looked at Shuusuke. “You knew that losing Mamoru, watching him die right in front of me while I couldn’t do anything, would destroy me. And had you been Northern Alliance members, you might have just let me live just to watch me suffer. At least for a moment, before you would have killed me as well because you needed to ‘clean up’ after yourself.”

Souma hummed. “Bullseye.”

“That fear you felt that moment, do not ever forget about it. Because it is precisely that, that keeps your Messiah alive.” Shuusuke pushed up his glasses. “Prepare to feel that kind of fear over and over again. But also prepare for the feeling of relief and security that your Messiah provides you with. More than any place on this planet, your Messiah is your home. As well as your other half. A part of you.”

Shuusuke looked at Kaito pointedly, “I do not doubt that you would gladly chew off your own limbs in order to save your Messiah. We’ve seen you do it. We’ll be teaching you how to think of long-term consequences along with short-term solutions.”

Mamoru wondered what kind of psychological trials and tribulations the other pair had gone through for them to aim for such a thing, for something bordering on torture. Mind-break.

It didn’t look like they’d be finding out soon, though because Souma changed the topic swiftly.

“You two just arrived here, right? You must be hungry. I just got lucky and got something good.” He opened a brown paper bag he had been carrying. The smell of baked sweets filled the air.

“You were talking to a lady in the house earlier!” Mamoru realized. “She gave you these!” The voice of the conversation partner of the Russian lady had been too quiet for Mamoru to register or hear properly earlier but it had been male. It all clicked now. Souma had gone to look out for them, knowing they’d be coming into the building sooner or later, while Shuusuke had stayed in the apartment, knowing they’d come there. It had been a well set trap. A reverse trap.

Souma chuckled and offered everyone the fresh pastries. “Yes. We get along with that lady quite well. She also, hands down, makes the best vodka in the country. If you manage to keep your head after drinking that, any drinking you need to do on missions, especially with Northern Alliance executives will be a piece of cake.”

“I think I heard stories about SAKURA cadets trying to build up a tolerance at the Church,” Kaito nodded his thanks and accepted a pastry.

Mamoru nodded. Haku and Eiri had hinted at some of it. 

Kaito changed the topic again when they had all finished their treats. “Just finding you and getting information from you couldn’t have been the graduation mission, so I assume Commander Ichijima left you with some kind of further orders for us?”

Shuusuke frowned and shook his head, “Not that I-”

Souma spoke up, “Not you. Me but you’re involved. We’re going to cooperate a bit for preparation and training before we move on to the actual mission, though. We’ll need you to get caught up on the situation and we’ll have to see if you two are up for it. SAKURA is going to be changing strategies in light of the next World Reforming and considering that time is ticking away at a rapid pace. So Yuuri, you’re with me. Shirasaki, you’ll be with Shuusuke. We’ll start tomorrow. We have that much time. Get a good night’s sleep, you will need it.”

The meaningful glance that Souma gave his Messiah didn’t go past Mamoru or Kaito. They were probably in for something.

The two pairs of Messiah separated after agreeing on a time and place to meet after getting some sleep and rest. Mamoru and Kaito returned to their own safe house and rearranged the room a bit for the night. One of them would sleep and one of them would keep watch for the first half of their allotted sleeping time and then they would switch.

Sleep didn’t come very easy to Mamoru and he stayed up a little bit longer, thinking. Sometimes aloud. “I can see why Gojou-san is such an outstanding SAKURA agent. He changed the atmosphere in the room in an instant. He also did not feel out of place at all when we entered the building because he had blended in perfectly. Which allowed him to sneak up on us from behind us.” Mamoru leaned his head back and it thunked against the headboard. “We still have lots to learn, I’m afraid.”

“You never stop learning. I just wish learning wouldn’t be so painful.” Kaito sighed.

The other’s words reminded Mamoru of his earlier thoughts about what kind of things their senior SAKURA must have been through to become who they were.

Kaito looked at his Messiah, reading Mamoru’s thoughts. “I hacked their files. The Northern Alliance killed everyone they held dear. Friends, family. Even though some of them were supposedly protected by the government. But well, we both know how much faith one can put into the government these days. Now they only have each other left. It is only natural for them as our seniors to try and teach us how that would feel. Or how to avoid it. To avoid losing the one person who means more to you than the entire world. You know how it feels, don’t you, Mamoru? The overpowering rage and darkness that overcomes you.”

Shivering, Mamoru recalled the time when he had been led the think that Ichijima had caused Kaito’s death. And the moment he had found out that the other had been killed. He didn’t want to go there again. That consuming darkness had been comforting and yet scary.

He had been willing to set the entire world on fire just because he no longer cared about it. A world without Kaito had lost all meaning to him.

Usually calm and collected, he had become consumed by a kind of burning anger which had kept him from making rational decisions. He had no longer cared about anything or anyone, voices of other people had been unable to reach him.

“I guess we live in a world where you can only learn things the hard way.”

“I wonder if a person breaks if one does this to them too many times.” Mamoru was thinking of Ariga. Although maybe that was different. He and Ariga were different. From Kaito and Itsuki, from Haku and Eiri, from Souma and Shuusuke. Neither he nor Ariga had ever really had a family. Ariga had been raised by someone who wasn’t his real family and who hadn’t been keen on forming healthy familial ties. And Mamoru could not remember his family at all. He’d been at the orphanage since he had been young. Too young to remember how he got there.

Kaito and Haruto had been his family. Still were. Ariga, he hoped Ariga would be okay. At least from what they had seen it looked like Ariga and Kagami had safely graduated from the Church as well. Neither of their friends had been around during Kaito’s return.

Somewhere along the way, Mamoru fell asleep. It had happened in an instant, the fatigue catching up with his body. 

It seemed like way too soon that Kaito dutifully woke him up again. The two of them snuggled close to each other for a few moments, until Kaito was starting to drift off and until Mamoru was lucid and awake. Even after Kaito’s breathing had evened out, Mamoru remained on the bed. Maybe he shouldn’t let his guard down like this but maybe, just maybe, he would be forgiven for doing it this time.

Looking at Kaito sleeping peacefully next to him was relaxing. Mamoru soaked up this rare moment of serenity. Of peace and calm. It wouldn’t last very long, which is why he cherished it.

A couple of hours later found them separating to walk towards their assigned meeting points.

Mamoru went back to the apartment where Shuusuke was waiting for him. Kaito had gone off somewhere to meet with Souma. He wondered what kind of training was waiting for them.

“Come on in and be at ease,” Shuusuke offered when Mamoru stepped into the room. He noticed that the furniture had been moved compared to the previous night, it looked homelier now. Somehow the setup of the table and the sofa reminded him of the alcoves in the common area of the old Church. It was rather fitting.

“To be honest, I thought it would be the other way around. In terms of skills and positions I thought Gojou-san was a better match. No offense.” Mamoru looked at Shuusuke.

Smiling, Shuusuke pushed his glasses up. “Wouldn’t you say that it is much more effective if you practiced with someone who didn’t match your abilities and covered the areas in which you are lacking instead? Please have a seat, Shirasaki.”

Mamoru did as he was told dutifully and then followed the other’s movements with watchful eyes. He didn’t quite know what to expect, so it put him on edge. Maybe this was precisely what this training was going to be about. It made sense, just as the other had said.

Sitting down opposite to him with a laptop, Shuusuke turned it sideways so both of them could look at the screen. “You are familiar with this individual, I assume?”

A picture of Takano appeared on the screen.

“Yes,” Mamoru nodded. It seemed like a recent picture. Takano looked well.

“...what would you do if for whatever reason you were faced with the following situation: a chaotic fight scene greets you as you enter the room and everyone freezes as you barge in because the fragile balance is slightly disturbed. Over on the other side of the room, Takano is holding a gun to Yuuri Kaito’s head.” Shuusuke looked at him.

Mamoru tensed. The other’s eyes were very intense, he could only describe the gaze as soul piercing. It demanded absolute truth from him. Lies would be found out immediately.

“Who are you aiming your gun at, Shirasaki?” He couldn’t avert his eyes from Shuusuke. The other had trapped him and was not going to let him escape easily. There was a cold feeling of loneliness creeping into his heart. He had nobody to back him up on this. Mamoru could only help himself now.

He could picture the scene Shuusuke described vividly. Ariga and Kagami were off fighting somewhere ahead. The three new cadets were fighting in the same area but the numbers of SAKURA and enemies was almost equal. Ahead of him, Kaito was fighting with someone. Someone, who upon second glance was familiar. Takano. He barges into the fight, tipping the scale as he takes down a few obvious enemies. The rest retreat and then suddenly Takano holding a gun to Kaito’s head appeared in front of him. In the midst of his own scuffles he hadn’t been able to see how that came about.

Mamoru knew he owed Shuusuke an answer. Swallowing, he made his choice. “Takano.”

A soft hum came from the other as a response. “What makes you so sure of that decision? What if it is not the real Yuuri Kaito but an enemy in disguise? Would you be able to tell from his scent, like Kagami? Would you be able to tell by how his voice changes like Mamiya?”

“No.” Mamoru admitted.

“Both of them claim to be real. Who would you trust more in this situation?” Shuusuke asked and then rubbed even more salt into the wound. “You weren’t able to tell a fake Ariga Ryo from the real one either. Nor did you notice Yuuri’s pretended manipulation by the Northern Alliance. Admit it, for a while, even if it just seemed like a moment of doubt, you thought he really had been subliminally conditioned through the hologram.”

In the imagined scene, Mamoru raised his gun slowly. He aimed it at Takano first as he had answered but then he looked into the other’s eyes. And he could hear the other’s parting words in his mind still. The parting words the other had given him on the rooftop after saving them.

He had not been able to accept them nor answer them properly. Of course what he had told the other had not been an outright lie. The Shirasaki Mamoru that the other had known no longer existed. Officially. And maybe a part of him had died when he had decided to join SAKURA. A part of him still regretted the inability of finding a true closing with Takano. A proper end to their relationship, their partnership. Takano was someone he had held dear and still did.

Almost unconsciously, his hand moved and suddenly he found Kaito on the other side of the gun but almost instantly, a different person appeared in front of Kaito, as if protecting him.

Haruto.

The other was young, the age when he had fallen out of that boat. He was even wearing those same clothes. The clothes he had worn on that fateful day.

He didn’t speak but his eyes were accusing. They were saying ‘you killed me’. And Mamoru could not deny that. It was the truth. Had he not wanted to go to the sea that day, Haruto would not have died. Kaito would not have become a shut-in. They would have all been able to live a normal life together. Away from all of this.

He had killed Haruto. He had been the reason why Kaito had had to go through the whole Necromancer ordeal. He had also been the reason why Takano had been caught by The Tower and dragged into things he should not have been dragged into. Heck, he had dragged Kaito into this whole mess as well. If not for him, everyone else could have been-

“Where are you pointing the gun now, Shirasaki?” Shuusuke’s voice cut through his thoughts and Mamoru jumped. Suddenly he realized that he was holding the gun to his own head.

“When are you going to let yourself grief, Shirasaki? When are you going to be honest with your feelings? When are you going to stop keeping them in?” Shuusuke gave the other a levelled gaze. “If you keep doing this you will end up hurting those around you. Especially the person who is most important to you. Especially Yuuri.” He paused and then looked at Mamoru once more, eyes serious. “And most of all, yourself.”

Breathing ragged, Mamoru pried his own hand down. He hadn’t even noticed that some of that imagination had become reality, that he had really reached for his gun. If the other hadn’t pulled him out of that near-hallucination, he wondered if he would have-

“You need to come to terms with your feelings, Shirasaki. Guilt will only drive you mad.” Shuusuke closed the laptop and sat back, giving Mamoru a look he couldn’t quite read. It had a similar aura of enigmaticness around it that Ichijima often had when talking to him. “Being Messiah means to share everything. Good and bad, happiness and sadness, pain and pleasure. Only then will you be able to be together, even if you are physically alone.”

There was a short pause before the other continued. “It also means to trust. To doubt and yet to trust the other without a doubt at the same time. It might seem like a paradox but you will understand it when the time comes.”

Shuusuke got back onto his feet. “You should leave for now. We’ll continue once you have found an answer to my questions. Who do you aim that gun at and will you pull the trigger or not?”

When Mamoru looked at his watch he was shocked at how much time had passed. Had he really been trapped in that illusion created simply by Shuusuke’s words for that long without realizing? The thought was scary. He also felt exhausted. Not physically but mentally.

Since Shuusuke had given him permission, he excused himself and went back to the apartment he and Kaito were staying in.

He felt cold. Inside and out. It was like a cold hand closing around his heart, keeping it in an ice-cold grip. It also kept him from thinking straight. Mamoru had zoned out so much he hadn’t even heard the door open and close behind him again. He only noticed that Kaito had come back when the other almost tripped over him.

“Mamoru?” There was warmth in Kaito’s voice, in the other’s smile but Mamoru shied away from it. He didn’t deserve it. The hot water of a shower would have to do. “Are you alright?” Ah, he’d gone and done it. He’d worried Kaito.

“Ah, Kaito.” Mamoru smiled - or at least he did his best to give the other a smile in return for the one he had received earlier - and then turned around before taking off his jacket. He couldn’t keep that up for too long. He was too tired. Too cold. “I guess I’m just exhausted from training. This is no joke after all. If it’s okay I’m going to go ahead and take a shower.”

Without waiting for an answer, he made his way over to the bathroom and stripped off his clothes. They were clammy - probably from sweat. Funny because he hadn’t moved much all day but it felt like he had been on a mission that involved no sleep and too many Gs or Specters to fight. His limbs felt heavy and stiff, frozen.

He stepped under the shower spray but even the hot water did not make him feel any less cold. The cold got even worse when he thought about their apartment, the scene just outside the bathroom door. 

Mamoru could see Kaito sitting in front of the computer screens, back turned towards him. Despite the room being open, he felt like there was a door, if not a wall between them right now. It felt like they were back in their apartment, back at the time when Kaito was still a shut-in.

Back when Kaito had locked him out of his heart. Or head. Or both. Or neither.

Suddenly Mamoru realized that it had not been Kaito who had build the wall he was standing in front of right now. It had been himself. This was his wall.

In the aftermath of the whole Tsutsumi Reiji thing and everything that had followed - basically them becoming part of SAKURA - they had never brought things up again. Not properly at least. They had never talked things out. Had never properly dealt with their past, with Haruto’s death.

They had talked, of course. They usually told each other things - maybe not everything but close to everything. But they had never -talked-. Somehow, they had forgotten about it. And now the past was coming back to haunt them. It was something that needed to be dealt with. Or it would keep them here, frozen to this very spot.

Clenching his fingers into a fist, he turned around and then looked up, at Kaito. The other had stepped under the spray with him, still wearing shorts and a t-shirt.

For some reason Mamoru didn’t jump. He wasn’t surprised. Maybe a part of him had known that the other had come in, had been there for a few moments.

“I need to talk to you.” Both of them said at the same time.

 

~*~

 

Kaito was dead tired when he returned to the room he shared with Mamoru. He almost bumped into the other on his way in. “Mamoru?” He smiled but then his face fell when he saw the expression on the other’s face. “Are you alright?”

“Ah, Kaito.” Mamoru smiled - but it didn’t reach his eyes - and then turned around before taking off his jacket. “I guess I’m just exhausted from training. This is no joke after all. If it’s okay I’m going to go ahead and take a shower.”

Something inside of Kaito contracted painfully. Was the other keeping secrets from him (again)?

Something was definitely off. Mamoru would not be selfish otherwise. He’d always ask whether Kaito wanted to shower first. That’s the way he was, had always been.

It didn’t help to alleviate the feelings of doubt that Souma had sown in him today.

Training on his end had started out normally. There had been physical training - after all that had always been his biggest weakness - and then some shooting. And that’s when it had started.

Souma had disarmed him during one of their fights when his strength had started to flag a bit and had promptly held a gun to his head. “We’re back where we were yesterday.” The other had chirped but then his tone suddenly changed from the friendly tone, to a cold one. “Imagine I was Takano Yuta, or at least someone who looked like him. Shirasaki just barged in and this is what he sees. What do you think he’s going to do? What would you do?”

“I would try to figure out a way to help him, to get myself out of the situation. He’ll find a way to deal with the situation. Distract the other and buy time, talk to him. Or maybe shoot him, if there was nobody else.” Kaito thought aloud. That was the most logical thing to do, right?

“Do you trust Shirasaki without a doubt?” Souma asked then. “What if he suddenly aimed his gun at you? How would you feel? Would you feel betrayed? He’s lied to you before, hasn’t he? What if he lied to you again?”

Kaito couldn’t reply to that immediately. His throat had suddenly gone dry.

On the other hand, Souma did not have any problem when it came to talking. He kept asking Kaito questions. “What would you do if you were faced with a choice, live for your own sake, the sake of the mission or kill Shirasaki. Duty or Shirasaki?”

The thought alone was enough to make Kaito’s blood run cold.

“As his Messiah it’s my duty and right to protect him. I am the only one who can. I could never-”

“What if for some reason he needed to be dead? Messiah or not, we follow orders. A bond as Messiah’s can mean everything but it can also mean nothing at all. It is but one of the orders by SAKURA and the Church. And as such can be overridden by another order.”

Kaito didn’t know what to do. His choices had been simpler before. His life for Mamoru’s. That had been easy. But he knew it wasn’t that easy. He knew it wasn’t a decision that could be calculated. It was a decision that could only be made based on human emotions. Computers did not have emotions and thus they never faced such a conflict. They would merely do the ‘rational’ thing, the thing with a higher chance for success. But a human was different.

“Didn’t he also cause your brother’s death?”

The words felt like a blow to his gut.

Memories rushed back to him. Memories of Mamoru talking to him and ‘Haruto’. Of the ‘three’ of them having conversations, laughing with each other, even through a closed door. Then there were memories of Mamoru’s face on his computer screen. There were tears streaking his face when he confessed everything to Kaito. When he made the illusion Kaito had been living in shatter around him like a fragile eggshell. When he had made ‘Haruto’ disappear.

“Those questions will be your homework, Yuuri. We’ll get back to them tomorrow. Go and get some rest now.” Souma let him go then but Kaito remained standing on that spot for a few moments. He couldn’t get himself to move just yet. It took a few moments. But then he made his way back. Almost ran back.

He needed to get rid of those doubts in his heart. Of those feelings. He needed to reaffirm-

He just needed to see Mamoru.

When he did see the other though, things only got worse. The other was closing himself off from him. Was what he wanted to think. Blaming the other would be so easy but this wasn’t easy.

Standing in front of the closed bathroom door, Kaito suddenly felt guilt rising up in him. Had this been how Mamoru had felt all those years? Standing in front of Kaito’s closed door, unable to do anything, knowing that Kaito wouldn’t let him in, wouldn’t listen to his words. Wouldn’t accept the truth. How had Mamoru felt, being close to and yet separated by the person who meant so much to him? How had that been the ‘easier’ choice?

Kaito couldn’t and wouldn’t let that happen to them again. So he opened the door and stepped into the bathroom. Still with his shirt and pants on, he stepped into the shower behind Mamoru just as the other turned around and looked at him. Apparently they had had the same thought because what they said first when they opened their mouths was the same as well.

“I need to talk to you.”

He could feel his heart hammering against his chest. Opening that door had not been easy. So he did not yet have enough energy to speak again. So Mamoru spoke first.

“It was my fault that Haruto died. I killed your brother and I will never be able to forgive myself for it. I also lied to you about it because that was the easy way out. That way I didn’t have to feel guilty. In your world, I wasn’t a murderer. Admit it, a part of you did blame me.”

“I did.” Kaito admitted. He remembered when his conjured Haruto had opposed helping Mamoru. Back then of course, he had thought that it had been Haruto but in reality it had been him. Somewhere in his mind he had been the one who had thought that.

Because it had been easy. It had been easy to push the blame onto someone else. To be angry at someone else. He had felt that ease tempting him against just a few moments ago. To put the blame elsewhere and to avoid responsibility. And by that to also avoid the painful truth. But he could not avoid things any longer. He could not and he would not.

“But it wasn’t just your fault. If it was your fault, it was also my fault. I could have stopped us. But instead I agreed, despite Haruto’s protest. And then when we were on that boat, I could have watched him, too. So we, we both killed him.” He put his hand over Mamoru’s heart. “I… I blamed myself. Which is why I tried to run away from it. Run away from that responsibility, that reality, that guilt. We went through the same thing even though we both went about it differently.”

Thinking about it, they had shared so many things between the two of them, memories, experiences. They really were, like Kaito had said, just one and the same fragile egg.

Both of them had lost their families when young and neither of them could remember their parents, couldn’t even find anything about them no matter how much they had tried - once Kaito had figured out how to use a computer more proficiently, he had tried to look into things of course but unsuccessfully. Even with SAKURA’s advanced networks he had been unable to dig things up. It had been as if their parents had never existed. Or maybe records had been destroyed because the orphanage where they had grown up had burned down once during their stay, causing them to relocate to a different facility.

After meeting and getting to know each other, they had instantly gotten along. Mamoru had adopted Haruto as his own younger brother as well and they had become a three-person family within the orphanage, always together whenever possible. Their time spent together got progressively longer as they were in the same school grade and class as well. That continued up until their last year of high school. If not for Haruto’s death, they would have probably continued on to attend the same university as well.

It would come as no surprise to someone outside if the way they thought and felt was similar if not the same. If the way how they dealt with things was the same.

Mamoru had not just played along with him when he had been hallucinating. He had been part of that world. Otherwise the other could not have ‘heard’ Haruto. Could not have fit in. It had all worked out because Mamoru, too, had been part of that world and had belonged in it. So it had felt natural. To both of them. But there had been one change then.

The things they no longer did together. Or just the fact that there were now things that they no longer did together. Mamoru had had a life outside of their apartment and Kaito had had a life inside of the net, inside of his computers. This separation had become stronger at SAKURA when their paths had separated a little bit. Or had bit by bit. They had still made many similar experiences but initially, they had not been allowed to be together as much as before and even as Messiah, there had been times when they had acted apart from each other. After all the ultimate goal had been for them to be able to function as individuals.

As two individuals who thought and felt like one.

Strangely enough the separation had only brought them closer together. Kaito wouldn’t have believed that possible if he wasn’t feeling it right now. If he hadn’t experienced all of it.

“I need you, Mamoru. Without you, I wouldn’t be me. And you, too, can’t be you without me.”

“That’s right. I need you, Kaito. You’re my only light in this world of darkness. A world without you would not be worth living in it.”

“Let’s, let’s go out together.”

“Un.”

They got dried and dressed again before they headed out. It was not yet dark outside. Or maybe not yet dark again. Time did not matter to them.

Their feet carried them down to the waters. Down to the shore.

Holding each other’s hands, they walked as close to the water as they dared. Closing his eyes and listening to the sound of the waves, Kaito felt the tears starting to fall.

“Haruto.” He opened his eyes when he heard his own voice overlapping with Mamoru’s. Glancing over at his Messiah, he found the other’s cheeks tear streaked as well. Just like his own. They cried together like that for a while as they looked at the ocean.

If Haruto were there right now, he’d be looking at them with a small pout. There would be loneliness in his eyes but he’d huff a soft, “You two better not come here any time soon. I will be mad if you do. I am not lonely at all. And I don’t miss you one bit.” But then he’d look down and add, “I can be patient. I’ll wait. I have time. You make the best of the time you are given. So don’t worry about me. I am already gone. There is no use to worry about me. Worry only about those who are still alive. And right now, that’s you two.”

Kaito could almost see and hear the other. Just like he had been able to years back. But then Haruto disappeared, was replaced by the scene in front of him - the ocean and the setting sun. And Mamoru. 

When they returned to the apartment, Kaito felt lighter. He had gotten rid of a burden he hadn’t realized he had been carrying. And suddenly all those questions Souma had asked him earlier seemed so trivial, so easy to answer. He almost felt stupid for not having been able to answer them immediately. But that was what learning was.

“Let’s go to bed?” Mamoru’s voice was soft when the other spoke up behind him. Kaito nodded and then followed the other.

“You think it will be okay if we both sleep tonight?” His voice was hopeful and he knew Mamoru had caught on when he saw the other crawling into their bed and flipping the blanket open on Kaito’s side, inviting him in. So he slipped under the blanket and moved closer to his Messiah.

“I think just for tonight, it will be.”

They fell asleep with their arms around each other.


	4. Dark Truths, White Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Souma and Shuusuke centric chapter.
> 
> I apologize that there are multiple POV switches in this but it just didn't work out otherwise.  
> ._.

Souma looked at Shuusuke when the returned to the apartment they were sharing for their current mission. He then proceeded to wrap his arms around his Messiah and murmured into the other’s ear, “Using your abilities as a lawyer to submit them to psychological torture is a pretty mean mission. Isn’t it?”

“We learned it all the hard way as well, didn’t we, Souma?” Shuusuke put his own hands over Souma’s arms. “I think they’ll figure it out faster than we did.”

“Not a hard thing to do because I think we took forever.” Souma chuckled.

Shuusuke smiled but then his smile faltered. “It’s what you’d think because it sure felt like an eternity but we hadn’t even been paired together for a year then.”

“Let’s not go back there now, shall we. We’re still on a mission. We didn’t just come here to train the young ones after all.” Souma reluctantly pulled away from Shuusuke. “There are a few things I need to discuss with you. I’ll also need to leave soon to check something out. I’ll be back sometime later but I guess the next part of training might fall onto you alone.”

“I can handle it.” Shuusuke pushed his glasses up.

Then he turned to look at Souma. “It’s not just hard on them, is it? It’s hard for you, too.”

“Same goes for you. It brings back too many memories.” Souma sighed. “That blasted Ichijima.”

Humming, Shuusuke crossed his arms. “If it had been us in their shoes, things would probably have gone like this: Would Yuuri be wearing a bulletproof vest underneath his jacket? And even if he wasn’t, Shirasaki should and would shoot. It would be important to aim for a non-vital area and still shoot your partner. Use the moment of distraction that creates to kill or immobilize the actual target. Yuuri would then have enough time to recover to help. Or Takano, if things had been a trap. Either way, one would have tipped the scale in favor for the mission.” Shuusuke recalled a vaguely similar experience, Souma’s gun in the hands of Kusunose Haruki, pressed against his head. “That way you will find out if he really was your Messiah or not.”

He looked at Souma. “Ironic, isn’t it? That absolute trust looks like betrayal at first.”

“I thought we weren’t going to go back to old times,” Souma mused. “But you’re right. It’s just one of life’s cruel jokes.” He looked around. “Now, I need to talk to you about mission stuff. I do not have much time so let’s make this brief.”

It was a briefing true to its name. Before he knew it, Shuusuke saw Souma off as the other went to do his job. And he would do his here.

By now, one would think he’d be used to being apart from Souma but Shuusuke didn’t think he’d ever really get used to it. He didn’t want to get used to something he didn’t like. He wasn’t defiant very often but this was something he wanted to be defiant about. He could and would not get used to a world without Souma.

Right here, there were plenty of traces of Souma around. Most people might not be able to tell but he could without thinking. Scattered pictures of landscapes on one of the tables, the old camera lying next to them. The different fluids needed to develop pictures.

He didn’t even know whether anyone else knew about this, about Souma’s hobby.

Incidentally, he had found out about it while he had been immersed in his hobby: books.

While they had still been at the Church, Souma had often accompanied him to the library or to other places where he’d read been able to read in peace. Usually Souma would keep himself busy with other things - cat’s cradle, or whatever - but sometimes the other would glance at the pages along with Shuusuke. And sometimes he would ask Shuusuke questions about whatever he had been reading. They were often questions that went beyond the reading or that looked at things in a completely different way than Shuusuke’s own way.

He had enjoyed those little discussions. Still did, whenever they had the time for them.

One time, a photograph had fallen out of the book that Shuusuke had brought along from the library. Souma had picked it up and inspected it.

“Anything interesting?” Shuusuke had tilted the picture a bit to get a better look at it.

It was a landscape. Nothing special. Nothing that seemed to hold any special message upon first glance. The picture was beautiful in Shuusuke’s opinion, a blue sky and the ocean with a little bit of the beach showing. The colours were vibrant, it was full of life.

“I wonder if this picture belonged to a cadet who lost their partner. I wonder if they’re still around or if this was the last message they left to the world.” Souma had said thoughtfully. “They must have liked photography because they had a camera in their personal possessions. Or maybe it was just a memento from their past they had kept. But it was definitely a camera that was below the standard SAKURA digital SLR ones we use for missions. So it must have been theirs.”

“You seem to know a lot about photography and cameras?” Shuusuke blinked.

Souma hummed. “It was my hobby, too. I was never an active child. Rather than sports, I’d prefer music or photography or art. Rather than studying, I guess I spaced out. I liked to look at things. And sometimes I liked to capture those things in pictures for later.” His voice got a slightly bitter tone then, “I did not get to keep my camera. The police confiscated it when they arrested me and well, SAKURA never got it back from them because I ‘died’ officially. And everything I had was destroyed or otherwise gotten rid of. Maybe my family got something.”

“I see,” Shuusuke had squeezed his Messiah’s hand gently to provide comfort and he had felt Souma relax against him a little bit. “Next question, why do you think this was a dying message or something of that sort?” The picture seemed to radiate so much life to him.

“They were looking for a place to die. The picture says ‘I want to become one with the endless sky and ocean. I want to return to nothingness and disappear. I want to be swallowed by this’, I think. It’s the page it was put into that gives the clue. Look,” Souma had pointed to the lines at the bottom of the page and read them out loud, “May these waters wash all blood and sins off these hands. Although I know to heaven they shall never be clean. May the waves accept this soul and guide it to blissful darkness.” Souma had shuddered a bit then. “Drowning is a terrible way to die. It brings back that corpse we had to look at the other day.”

“You’re unusually deep today,” Shuusuke had pointed out.

Souma had pouted in response to that. “I can be if I want to, okay?” Then he huffed. “And to be honest, I still think you’re the silly one in our pair. Your sense of humor is the weirdest!”

“You like it.”

“Never said I didn’t but just saying.”

They had bickered playfully for a while before settling back into their usual positions. As a result, Shuusuke had always looked at the ocean with mixed emotions since then.

Smiling fondly, Shuusuke walked over to the table and picked up one of the scattered photographs. Souma had taken it a few days ago, down by the small beach. It was a black and white picture that showed some water and sand. And two shadows. If one looked very closely, the two shadows were holding hands.

It had been a little daring to take that picture but fun. A warm, happy memory that Shuusuke would be able to look back at during a darker time. A darker time that would surely come, as sure as the sun rose and set every day. It was part of his, of their life.

Checking the clock, Shuusuke went to get ready. He had people to check on and lessons to teach. Although a part of him was sure that there would not be too much more teaching necessary. He would probably end up merely listening to their answers, before moving on to the real mission that lay ahead of them.

The expressions on Mamoru’s and Kaito’s faces when the two arrived to a set and homey breakfast table almost made Shuusuke laugh but he settled for an amused grin.

“Training doesn’t just have to be torturous, you know? And I’d say you two deserve a break after the previous session. So sit down. Would you prefer tea or coffee? Or juice. We have all three.” A lot of it had been courtesy of their landlady of course. She was spoiling them, saying that life didn’t spoil them often, so she’d have to do her best to do it while they were here.

Once they were all settled down, Shuusuke sipped on his coffee before he stated the obvious while looking at the pair of Messiah on the other side of the table over the brink of his mug, “It looks like you two found your answers.”

The two looked at each other and then smiled before giving Shuusuke a nod.

“That’s good then.” He smiled. “Done anything special, or did things fall into place? And by special I mean anything from looking at each other to punching each other in the face.”

Mamoru laughed at that, implying that there had been some sort of mixture of things. Shuusuke wouldn’t pry here. The other two deserved some privacy. He arched an eyebrow in surprise when it was Kaito who volunteered some information.

“We went to the shore to look at the ocean.” The raven-haired male said in his usual quiet voice.

“The ocean?” Shuusuke asked.

Kaito nodded. “To say goodbye to Haruto.”

“Haruto, that was your brother, wasn’t it? I heard he drowned and went missing.” Of course both him and Souma had looked at the files and all the information on the other pair they had been able to get their hands on before starting the training. Well Souma had given him a rundown. There seemed to be more behind things but Souma had told him that more information would follow and this would be enough for him to work with for now. Shuusuke idly wondered what else would be following. His Messiah had seemed agitated while telling him all this.

“Yeah,” Mamoru was starting to fill things in here. “That’s why ever since then, for both of us, the ocean has always meant death and we avoided looking at it or getting close to it as much as we could. But we have moved past that now. We dealt with our past.”

The ocean meant death. Shuusuke was suddenly reminded of his earlier musings and memories. Funny how that had come up again.

His thoughts then shifted towards a different direction. He thought that it might have been better that the young Yuuri Kaito and Shirasaki Mamoru had never had to lay eyes onto the drowned body of Yuuri Haruto. The sight would most likely have traumatized both of them for life. This way they could just remember their deceased beloved as they had been while still alive. It was a luxury that Shuusuke had not been able to afford. Even before joining SAKURA. He had seen many dead bodies as a lawyer. He had seen even more as a SAKURA agent.

The number would most likely only keep growing in the future, considering his ‘line of work’. The number of enemies or strangers outnumbered that of loved ones by far but the impact of the latter was far greater than that of the former.

“It is important to be able to deal with the death of beloved ones. Unfortunately.” Just like for the other two, his number had gone down to ‘one’ now. There was only one person left on the entire planet who he considered a beloved one. And if he was gone, Shuusuke knew he would follow soon after, by his own or somebody else’s doing. “To get over losses.”

“We heard about yours. Oof-”

Shuusuke held back his amused laughter when he noticed the elbow making impact with Mamoru’s ribcage none too gently. “No need to get violent, Yuuri Kaito. I already figured out that you might have accessed our files. We did the same after all. So no harm done.” Then he regarded the pair. “But there are things that were not written in there.”

“Things you would be willing to tell us?” Kaito blinked. It was probably surprising to him that someone like Shuusuke would willingly volunteer information. Sensitive information.

“It’s to tie up your training, I guess,” Shuusuke crossed his arms. “Unwavering trust might seem like grave betrayal at first. That’s what we wanted you to figure out. Souma and I learned it the same way, just that we did not have the luxury of doing it in training. I’ve gotten shot by Souma once and then I’ve held a gun to his head in return and pulled the trigger as well. While he had his gun aimed at my head and pulled the trigger.”

The memory was a painful one and yet one he was not ashamed of.

“Why are you still alive?” Kaito asked, genuinely confused.

Closing his eyes, Shuusuke recalled the moment. “We are both still alive because there were no bullets in our guns. We were both willing to die by the other’s hand. That’s how much we trusted in each other. I trusted Souma to have made the right judgement. If it was necessary for me to die by his hand then so be it. At the same time I would atone for my sins. For the sins of making him worry and suffer. He on the other hand trusted me in the same way. Trusted in my reasons for killing him if needed.” He laughed dryly. “It probably sounds crazy but subconsciously we might have known that our respective guns had held no bullets and that’s why we were able to pull the trigger in that very moment while looking down the barrel of the other’s gun.”

He turned and looked out of the window before he added thoughtfully, “Or maybe we thought we would both just die together if there were bullets in our guns. Maybe we had been lying to each other and most of all ourselves. There would be just one bullet in there. And it would end everything.” Shuusuke touched the side of his neck absentmindedly.

It had been something that had come up once or twice, when things had become almost unbearable. ‘Lover’s Suicide’ sounded so romantic. In their case, they had always managed to pick each other up again because just leaving would seem like running away and losing. They both hated to lose and they were not the people who would simply run away. Run away and abandon their friends and give up everything they had fought for up until now. It would not have sat well with them. All their sacrifices would have been in vain and gone to waste.

Mamoru gave Shuusuke a look. “It’s complicated, isn’t it?”

“It is.” Shuusuke nodded. Then he pushed those thoughts away - for later. “Once you’ve finished your meal, we’ll talk about the actual mission part of this, well, mission. You’ve cleared level one, so let’s move on to the next one.”

He cleared the table after they were done, giving Mamoru and Kaito a few moments alone. He could still see them from behind one of the pillars in the large living room.

Yes, the apartment and the house in general, had a peculiar design. It came in handy.

Walking back, he slipped into his mission mode. The younger two seemed to notice immediately, judging by the way they tensed up. Shuusuke got straight to the point, “As of now, SAKURA has been divided into sub-units for ease of operations. Each unit, called a squad, is made up of four SAKURA and each has a squad leader who coordinates missions and other logistics and reports back to Commander Ichijima.”

He relayed what Souma had told him for the most part, almost word by word. “While a squad is a functioning entity, every agent is still on their own. So there is a chance that you have to do solo missions while being part of a squad as well. As you have probably figured out, you two have been assigned to this squad. Our task is mainly handling information.” Shuusuke pulled some files out and put them onto the table in front of the other two. 

“We’re a team assembled from SAKURA’s top reconnaissance, infiltration and data division. Our squad can get into anything, be it a physical building, a machine or an invisible network. Or even other people’s minds.” Shuusuke paused and then smiled. “This is slightly unrelated but if you’d like to know, Ariga and Kagami are in a squad with Eiri and Haku.”

Motioning for them to open the files, Shuusuke waited for them to read over the first page. “Those are the details for our first mission. Intercepting and capturing two executives from the Northern Alliance. Both of them are responsible for new weapon development and research in the organization. Codename Emperor and Justice. We do not know their faces. Or any other information that could help us to identify them. So that’s where we will start.”

“I take it you’re the squad leader, Shiba-san?” Mamoru asked.

“I have to disappoint you but I’m not.” Shuusuke shook his head. “Souma is. And as your squad leader, he will be the one to give you missions and you are to complete them unless an order comes directly from Commander Ichijima, in which case, it will override Souma’s. I am passing on Souma’s orders for now because he is off on a different mission right now. He should return within the day. Until then we should see how far we can get from here. With Yuuri here, I am slightly more optimistic than if it were just me.”

Kaito nodded. “I’ll get on it straight away.” He opened his laptop and thanked Shuusuke for cables and other necessary infrastructure. Shuusuke also set up a workstation for Mamoru.

While he did so, the other asked, “Gojou-san must be an exceptional SAKURA agent. Although I am sure the same goes for you, Shiba-san?”

“Souma is special.” Shuusuke nodded while he plugged in cables. “He is different than the rest of us. Most of us, we have something that might be of use to SAKURA at first glance. Like a background in hacking.” His eyes wandered over to Kaito. “Combat or weapons training.” He looked at Mamoru. “Knowledge or any other scientific prowess.” He focused on his task again. “But not Souma. Souma was a normal person. He was a kindergarten teacher before he got into this mess. From the viewpoint of a spy agency, he was a nobody. And yet he proved to be one of the best to ever graduate from the Church.”

Shuusuke remembered his reunion with Souma. The other had gotten so strong. So good at what they did. He wondered whether Ichijima had known back when he had drafted Souma that he had picked up an unpolished diamond.

“How did someone like him end up with SAKURA?” Mamoru wondered.

“That is not my story to tell.” Shuusuke booted the workstation. “But that’s a good keywords. There are a few more things I need to tell you about this mission. The reason why we want these two individuals in particular.”

He sat down and his fingers flew over a few keys on the keyboard. “There were mysteries hidden in both you and Yuuri that were only discovered fairly recently, in the aftermath of the Necromancer ordeal. It’s the reason why both of you were drawn into this world. You did not simply end up here by chance.” Shuusuke looked at both of them and pulled up some pictures on the screen to accompany the papers on the table.

“This is our old orphanage,” Mamoru looked at the pictures. “What about it?”

“Turn the page of your files.” Shuusuke instructed.

Kaito’s eyebrow furrowed. “Human experiments?”

“This wouldn’t have come to light if it hadn’t been for an investigation led by a certain SAKURA agent regarding some more recent experiments the North has conducted.” Shuusuke crossed his arms. “And intelligence says we’re only scratching at the surface.”

Mamoru tilted his head over, “A certain SAKURA agent?”

“The one standing over there to be precise.” Shuusuke nodded his head towards somewhere behind Mamoru and Kaito, who jumped out of their chairs immediately in surprise.

“I thought I recognized some faces when I went up North. And when I looked into it to make sure, I stumbled upon rather familiar ones. Yours were among them,” a new voice spoke up from behind them. Souma walked out from behind a pillar. “Honey, I’m home!” He chirped.

“Nobody enters a room as quietly and unseen as Souma. I just knew he was there because well, I just knew.” Shuusuke elbowed his Messiah when the other stepped closer to him, face not giving away any emotions. “He can’t hide from me.”

“Oof. You got me there.” Souma chuckled and rubbed the now sore spot. “Yes, I cannot hide from Shuusuke. It’s my one and only weakness.”

“You two must go a long way?” Kaito chanced.

Mamoru agreed, “You’re even closer than Mitsumi-san and Kaidou-san.” He smiled. “Momo- Kuroko-san said those two didn’t get along at first but now…”

Shuusuke and Souma laughed.

“You couldn’t be further from the truth.” Souma shook his head. “The two of us, we hated each other at first. Haku and Eiri had issues, yes but they were never outright hostile towards each other. Whereas Shuusuke and I would avoid each other. Avoid any contact or even conversation. We couldn’t even look each other in the eyes when we were first paired up.”

“But then we found together. And graduated together.” Shuusuke added.

Kaito and Mamoru shared a look and then he asked, “If it’s not too much to ask, how long had you known each other when you graduated?”

“Less than a year.” Both Shuusuke and Souma replied at the same time. They looked at each other and laughed when they realized. They laughed again when they saw the younger pair’s surprised, if not shocked, expressions.

“Everyone was surprised. We’re not even sure ourselves. As to how we did it.” Souma shrugged. “It just happened. We found together. And we stayed together ever since.” He cracked his neck then and sat down. “I was able to track them down at an outpost down south from here. They’re supposed to meet with one of our good friends.”

He looked at Kaito and Mamoru. “You should know him, too.”

Shuusuke frowned. “Codename: The Tower.”

“Yes.” Souma nodded. “We leave in a few hours. We’re going to intercept them before The Tower can make it to the rendezvous point. If we can dig up something by then, good. If not, we’ll just have to ask those guys themselves.”

Mamoru looked at Souma. “It’s rare for SAKURA to want people alive.” Although not unheard of, Shuusuke added but he didn’t voice that thought.

Instead he provided the explanation, “The reason why we want them alive is because we want to get information from them.”

“How do you guarantee that they will talk? Or are we going to use truth serum?” Mamoru asked. He was an inquisitive one. A good trait but it could also be dangerous. Shuusuke made a mental note to talk to the other about that later.

Souma grinned, “Shuusuke can be very persuasive. He’ll get anyone to talk.”

“Like Kaidou-san?” Kaito piped up this time.

“Eiri has his ways, I have mine. Shirasaki should know from first hand experience.” Shuusuke gave them a look and then everyone fell silent for a while.

It quickly became evident that Kaito alone was more than enough for the information gathering for the time being, so it was decided that Mamoru went back to pack things over at his and Kaito’s place before coming back to rest for a few hours alongside Shuusuke. After that Shuusuke and Shirasaki would trade place with Souma and Kaito so the other two could get some rest before they headed out.

 

~*~

 

Souma leaned back against a pillar and looked outside. His thoughts drifted off to the not so distant past as he listened to the steady sound of fingers flying over keys behind him. His task was pretty much just to watch over all of the people in the apartment right now. He wasn’t of much use when it came to all the more advanced computer stuff that Kaito was doing. 

So he let himself wander down memory lane. It felt so much longer ago than it had actually been, too much had happened since then.

He remembered being brought to the Church. He remembered meeting Haruki for the first time but before he had met his first Messiah, he remembered something - no someone - else now.

Walking into that classroom for the first time, his eyes had fallen onto a person in the far corner first. A slender male, with dark hair, dark eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses. For no apparent reason his eyes had been drawn towards the other. Their eyes had met briefly but that had been it. When the Messiah pairs were announced he learned that the other’s name was ‘Shiba Shuusuke’. That was the only thing he knew about the other for a long time.

That and how good the other was in the classes they shared.

They had been put into different groups of SAKURA cadets but somehow Souma seemed to remember times when they would meet around the Church. In the workspace, the library, the training rooms. It was strange. He suddenly thought he had almost as many memories of Shuusuke as he had of Haruki from that time. Even his memories including Haku and Eiri seemed to pale in comparison.

Had this attraction always been there? Had it not been a coincidence that Ichijima tossed them together? Souma suddenly doubted that twist of fate.

“Souma.” Shuusuke’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts again. “Your turn. Go get some sleep. Shut down your mind for a little bit, alright?”

“What did I do to deserve you?” Souma’s features softened and he stole a quick kiss before he shook his partner awake gently and then went to crawl under the covers for a few blissful hours of darkness himself. Dreamless sleep was quick to claim him and let go of him again.

It felt as if he’d only closed his eyes for a moment when he woke up again, roused by Shuusuke’s hands on his neck, gently caressing him.

“I hate to wake you up so soon, knowing full well you did not get a wink of sleep the day before.”

“And yet you dutifully wake me up.” Souma pressed his forehead against Shuusuke’s briefly and smiled. “Thanks. I’ll rest once this is over and done with. Preferably together with you.”

“You’re the squad leader. You deserve some kind of perk, I’d say?” Shuusuke smiled back.

“Sounds good. Now, let’s go.”

A few hours later found them seemingly in the middle of nowhere. They were moving deep into enemy territory when they discovered the entrance to a hideout inside a dam. After mapping out the territory roughly, they split up. Mamoru and Kaito made their way towards the dam’s control room, while Shuusuke and Souma went to look for their targets.

They found a room that seemed to hold the security forces of the hideout they had snuck into. The ones that weren’t quite human. It was easy for them to identify the group as Gs by the way they looked - their eyes, their movements. Souma was glad to find Gs. They would be able to dispose of them quicker and easier than if they had run into Specters.

He and Shuusuke moved swiftly, disabling one after another before an alarm could be sounded.

The last one on his end gave him some trouble, though. Just like in a video game, it seemed like Souma had kept the best for last. Unknowingly.

The knife his opponent wielded ripped his headband but Souma then blew a hole into his assailant’s head in return. A close call. It looked like the conventional Gs had gotten more sophisticated as of late. Their physiques had changed, he noted. Most likely, the selection process had been changed with the Specter program in place now, as well as the North’s own training center up and functioning. Time. It was always a race against time.

“This is dangerous, Souma.” He heard Shuusuke from somewhere next to him.

Souma tensed. “What, any other enemies approaching?”

“No, I meant you.” The look Shuusuke was giving him was dark and full of desire. “Seeing you with your hair down just makes me want to ravish you right here and now. Unfortunately we’re in the middle of a mission and I’d be breaking all possible rules and go against all common sense.”

“Shuusuke, now’s definitely not the time for that!” Souma sounded indignant but he couldn’t hide the shiver those words had sent down his spine.

“I know.” Shuusuke sighed. “That’s why I’ve already brushed those thoughts aside.”

“So fast!” Souma almost fell over but stopped himself. Instead he pulled out a reserve headband and put it on - he hated having his hair in his face. Especially during a mission.

He and Shuusuke made their way down the corridor with their first obstacle out of the way. It seemed like they were getting somewhere because security was getting tighter. When they had finally made their way through various levels of bodyguards, they reached a room that looked like it had been occupied by someone - two people - until a few moments ago. Their targets.

Locating the door, they followed as fast as they could.

A crackle in their communication devices drew Souma’s attention away for a second.

“Found something?” He tried to keep his voice down.

“Yes. You’re looking for an older, Asian looking male, maybe in his 50s or 60s. That’s Emperor and then Justice is a younger Caucasian male. He is tall, maybe over 180 centimeters with dark hair. Strong built, muscles in all the right places. So be careful in close range combat.”

“Roger.”

Souma made out one figure trying to escape and followed after them. They matched the description of Emperor. Asian, male and older. He gave Shuusuke a sign and his Messiah nodded in understanding and fell back. Souma moved ahead. He managed to be faster and blocked off their escape route. Shuusuke was covering the other end.

When his Messiah came face to face with Justice though, he stopped for a brief second, eyes going wide. It gave their enemy enough time to gather themselves and Souma had to intercept or risk Shuusuke getting shot. In the end their positions were reversed, Shuusuke and Souma in the middle, with Emperor and Justice framing them.

Now close to his Messiah, Souma’s ear caught something Shuusuke was whispering brokenly.

A name. Souma’s eyes widened before they narrowed again in anger. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Again. Why did life have to move in endless circles of pain?

Rob. Rob Cowen.

Shuusuke had told him about his past in a quiet hour the two of them had shared at the Church still. And he had mentioned this name, along with others. The names of the people Shuusuke had lost before Ichijima had gone to find him.

It explained the codename, Justice. A lawyer. And yet a man who operated outside of the law. It made Souma want to laugh. If not for the seriousness of the situation.

If this man was who they thought he was, Souma and Shuusuke would share yet another experience. An experience, he’d rather not have shared with his Messiah. For a second, the form of Emperor in front of Souma wavered and was replaced by Haruki’s.

There was a very strong sense of deja-vu about the whole situation, albeit slightly reversed compared to the original in some aspects. Souma and Shuusuke standing back to back, guns pointed at their respective enemies - so far so good. This time though, it was Shuusuke looking at someone he had thought he trusted, could trust and who had turned out to be a traitor, while Souma was looking at the potential mastermind behind it all. At least one of them.

 

~*~

 

“You have changed, Shuusuke. Or should I say, you were changed, by Gojou Souma.”

Shuusuke felt Souma tense ever so slightly against him and not without reason. His body had reacted the same way. Those words were familiar to both of them after all. Those words, even though said in a different language, seemed to overlap with the ones Higayama had said to a dying Kusunose Haruki.

“Time changes people. And so do events in one’s life.” Shuusuke commented coolly. His eyes never left the other. He took in changes and things that did not change. The latter seemed to be more striking. Apart from the clothes, the other had not changed, as if he’d been frozen in time.

“Ah, indeed. I forgot that we haven’t seen each other in a while.” The other sounded casual, almost friendly. That was how Shuusuke remembered him.

While the memories had been bittersweet and fond before, they now got a very nasty bitter note, which bordered being outright bile. “Since your ‘death’. Which apparently was fake.”

“I had my reasons.” The other shrugged nonchalantly. “Speaking of reasons. You know, the reason why you hadn’t followed the rest of the team or met the same fate along the way had been because I thought I could get you to join me. You were good at what you were doing. I could see your potential. So if you’d just work for the right people, you could be a great asset. Unfortunately the wrong people got their hands on you before I could talk to you about it.”

He smiled, “But maybe it’s not too late? It’s why Higayama did not kill you when he had the chance. I asked him not to. You can still join the winning side, Shuusuke. Come with me.”

That would explain a few things. Shuusuke had always been bothered by the fact that Higayama had just sat back and let them go, when he could have killed one if not both of them. After all, he had gotten rid of Haruki without a second thought.

“I’ll make the offer more lucrative. You know, if I were a regular Northern Alliance executive I’d give you a condition. I’d tell you to shoot that precious partner of yours and join me. But no. How about I offer both of you to join us?” The other’s eyes never left his. Shuusuke knew they were sizing each other up, trying to read each other’s minds, each other’s moves.

He had confidence that he was not giving anything away. In the past, too, he had always won these little battles between them. Although back then they had been in jest, not earnest.

“Under jurisdiction of the Northern Alliance he’d be placed under you and as such you’d have the authority to kill him without any higher ups approval. On top of it, nobody would have been notified of him joining yet so you’d even get recognition for killing him.” Shuusuke’s voice was devoid of emotion when he spoke, when he analyzed the situation. “Furthermore, you hate sharing. You’d want me all to yourself. Nice try but that won’t work on me, Rob.”

“Sharp as always. That’s what I like about you. What I always liked about you.”

Memories of laughing and joking with the other suddenly turned dark. All those hours spent together, working on a case and giving it their all in the courtroom and outside. All the support he had received from the other. The partnership, the friendship. Everything had been a lie.

“I can’t believe I shed tears for you. I wish I could drown you in them right now.” Ignorance was bliss. Not knowing the truth might make one happier. But the truth was something that should be known. Even if it hurt. Shuusuke wondered who the bullet ridden body was he’d cried over. He most certainly had cried for the death of a friend and partner, though. The man in front of him now was no longer the one he used to know. Was maybe not even the same person.

“Drowning is such an ugly way of dying. I’d like to avoid it. Actually, I’d like to avoid dying in general for a while. So I’m afraid I can’t let you do anything funny to me here.”

The stalemate they were currently in did not look like it would be broken any time soon. All of them were merely observing each other’s movements. None of them seemed to dare to move. Shuusuke knew all of them were analyzing the situation in their minds, though, trying to find the most effective and successful way of breaking out.

Things were taken out of their hands when the stalemate was broken by a horde of Specters suddenly barging in. They created a huge chaos and obstructed views but that was most likely the intention. Instead of going for Souma and Shuusuke, they went for Rob and the older man, who Souma had been staring down quietly. 

One of the Specters stopped briefly to nod at the pair of Messiah.

They shared a look.

Yuuri Kaito.

Souma quickly surveyed the chaos in the room and Shuusuke knew that his Messiah was coming up with a plan. It only took a nod from Souma to convey it to him. Shuusuke got moving.

With the additional manpower, they managed to put their targets out of commission.

“Where are we taking them for questioning?” Shuusuke asked.

“Back to the motherland. Ichijima sent coordinates.” Souma looked down at the two unconscious forms. Then his eyes met Shuusuke’s. He could see worry in his Messiah’s eyes. Worry and a few questions. Questions Shuusuke answered softly.

“I’ll be okay. We’ll get over this together. Like last time.”

That answer seemed to satisfy his Messiah - for now. They would talk about things later, deal with things later but first, they had to focus on their mission.

With the help of Kaito and his control over the Specters, they left the area quickly and met up with a recovery and transportation unit sent by SAKURA. They were on their way back to Japan within hours and were then hauled off to a secondary SAKURA facility. Shuusuke remembered it from a mission or two. So he guided the rest of his squad around.

For the time being they were given a break. Other people would try and handle the questioning first. But there was a chance that Shuusuke would be called in to help later.

Kaito and Mamoru were looking at their prisoners with an air of detachedness. Blissful unawareness. Shuusuke wished - a little bit - that he could feel the same way about the person in the room on the other side. The person who looked ahead with a smug expression, with the expression of a man who knew that he would win this battle.

On the other side, Emperor showed no emotions at all.

“Even you looked more alive in the body of a Specter,” Mamoru looked at Kaito.

“He doesn’t look human.” Kaito commented. “He looks as if he’s not there. At all. He could very well be a Specter himself but they confirmed his vitals. He’s alive.”

“He is the one who killed your brother.” Souma looked down into the interrogation chamber.

Shuusuke closed his eyes. They were about to make up for the lack of emotions in the interrogation chamber up here it seemed. He shot Souma an almost annoyed glance. His Messiah had kept this information from him. Shuusuke would give Souma a piece of his mind about that later. And, he would not help his Messiah with the damage control now. Souma had gotten himself into this, he’d have to get himself out again.

Mamoru blinked. “Killed? But Haruto wasn’t-”

“What do you mean?” Kaito interrupted his Messiah. He was starting at Souma with his visible eye, his heartrate was rapidly accelerating. “What do you mean?” He repeated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The codenames "Emperor" and "Justice" are based on the logic behind the codenames of "Hanged Man" and "The Tower", all of them are Tarot Cards. They all come with meanings as well:
> 
> Hanged Man: Wisdom, self-sacrifice, get a unique perspective
> 
> The Tower: Unwanted change, ruin, disgrace, upheaval
> 
> Emperor: Respect, a father figure, strategic planning
> 
> Justice: Win-Win Solutions, cause and effect


	5. The end justifies the means

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might contain triggers.
> 
> There is an interrogation scene in this which might not sit well with some people? It's not exactly violent but I guess it's not uncontroversial either. So read at your own risk.

“He is the one who killed your brother.” Souma looked down into the interrogation chamber.

Mamoru blinked. “But Haruto wasn’t-”

“What do you mean?” Kaito interrupted his Messiah. He was starting at Souma with his visible eye, his heartrate was rapidly accelerating. “What do you mean?” He repeated.

Souma crossed his arms. “Remember the reason why we were going after these two?”

A cold shiver ran down Kaito’s spine. Judging by the sound of his voice, Mamoru felt the same way. “Our old orphanage, human experiments. You don’t m-”

“It’s exactly what I mean. Apparently some of the groundwork for the Gs was laid during that research as well but for the most part, there was a bigger project in there somewhere to raise individuals with potential. Not just cannon fodder or manpower.” Souma regarded Mamoru and Kaito with a calculating gaze. “You passed their screening. But Yuuri Haruto did not.”

Kaito’s voice was breaking when he spoke up, “Then, Haruto,... Haruto died because-”

Closing his eyes, Souma nodded. “He was deemed unfit. A failed experiment. And on top of that, he realized what was going on. I vaguely remember you telling me about how he’d always try to stop you from doing things. Or gave you and Shirasaki warnings. He was trying to tell you. So the North had to get rid of him because they feared he’d talk.”

He looked at Emperor sitting calmly in the interrogation room. Suddenly images flashed in front of his inner eye. Kaito grabbed hold of those images and traced them back to their origin. And he was not disappointed when he did so. He unlocked more memories.

Yes, Kaito remembered this man. Now that he got a better look at him, it was all coming back to him. He remembered Emperor from the Orphanage. The other had visited sometimes. Had looked at them from outside the room. Or had quietly observed them at school during parent observation day. He had been there.

Kaito’s breathing became erratic. There were more memories. Suddenly they seemed so clear and vivid. And they were real as well. Not just something he’d imagined in the years after his brother’s disappearance or death. The Haruto he saw before his eyes now was younger. 

The scenery around them was the orphanage. The bedroom the three of them had shared - Mamoru, Haruto and himself. It occurred to him now that Haruto had never said something elsewhere, outside where other people might have heard it. Only in the safety of their own room would his younger brother speak up.

_“Nii-san, Mamoru-san, I don’t think you should eat that candy. It’s not good for you.”_

_“Nii-san, why do we have to take so many supplements?”_

_“Nii-san, I don’t like that teacher. He’s mean. He’s doing strange things.”_

_“Nii-san, do you think there’s something wrong with us? They have the doctors come in to check on us so often.”_

It would make sense. There had been many examinations at that orphanage. Every day, in the morning before breakfast and then before bed. Whenever he and Mamoru got home from school they’d be greeted by a doctor. Back then it had not seemed strange to him. He had not known anything else. But looking back now, it definitely didn’t seem right.

Also, all the games they had played, been allowed to play. A normal orphanage would not have had the funds for all of that. A normal orphanage would not have increased the number of computers a child had access to when it had been discovered that he had a knack for them. One of the reasons why Kaito had gotten so good at hacking had been because he’d learned since young and had always had the right tools.

Mamoru, too. He would not have had the chance to compete with kids older than him in martial arts from a young age under normal circumstances. A normal school would not have provided private lessons in various things for him.

He held the side of his head as a headache made itself noticeable. Kaito tried to focus, focus on what other horrible things Souma was telling them.

“I looked at the records from that accident just because it popped up when I was investigating the childcare facility.” Souma sounded so calm. Kaito envied the fact that their seniors could detach themselves from things so easily, how they could seemingly wipe all shreds of humanity from their beings in situations like this. “According to the police records you testified that you were on a boat and then you heard how Haruto fell out of it and was then swallowed up by the waves. I checked the weather reports and records for that day and the sea was calm. You both said Haruto was oddly quiet when he fell out of the boat - usually he’d be trying to stop you two if you were moving the boat but you were both only fascinated by the view.”

Yes, he remembered that. He remembered being stunned by the sheer vastness of the ocean and the glittering lights on the water. Everything looked so much different than it had from the shore - they had spent most of the day on the beach and only in the late afternoon, had taken a boat further out. When they reached a place as far out as they dared to go, he had been distracted only for a moment. But apparently that had been enough. When he had turned around to ask Haruto for his opinion, his brother had been gone.

“He was shot and dropped into the water. Didn’t you think it was weird that a ‘rescue’ boat was at your side so fast? They distracted you and got rid of the body before the marine police forces could find it. So Haruto was declared ‘missing’.” Souma continued. “They couldn’t leave the body for two reasons. The first was that they couldn’t let people find out about the cause of death. The second one was that they wanted to look into the reasons for the failure of their experiments. So that they could avoid them in the future.”

Bile rose in his throat. But he was distracted from the foul taste of it by the anger that suddenly boiled up inside of him. Kaito was almost scared at himself. He had never felt like this before. All of his rational thoughts were pushed away by an overwhelming feeling of rage. A burning hatred. A desire for death and destruction.

“I won’t forgive them.” His voice was quiet but it carried through the whole room and it grew louder until he was screaming. “I won’t forgive them. Calling Haruto a failed experiment. I won’t forgive them!” Kaito was livid. His eyes had clouded over with darkness. Some of the monitors in the room started flickering in response to his emotions. “I’ll have them pay. I’ll make all of them pay for what they’ve done!”

 

~*~

 

“Kaito, calm down. Thoughts of getting revenge will not lead you anywhere good.” Mamoru threw his arms around his Messiah to hold him and to stabilize him. He knew he had to root Kaito to the here and now, or something bad would happen. He had been there and done that himself when he had thought Kaito had been killed. He didn’t want Kaito to make the same mistakes. “Let’s not eliminate the symptoms only. Let’s eliminate the cause.”

“I’ll gladly kill every single one of them.” He understood Kaito’s feelings. They had been his first reaction back then as well. To find and kill. To get revenge. To somehow calm the anger inside of him that wanted nothing more than blood and destruction. The anger would have driven him as far as to annihilate everyone around him if it would mean he could find peace that way.

A rotten world that had taken Kaito away from him did not deserve to exist. He would take it down along with him and reset it to zero.

Before he knew it, words had left his mouth that made both him and Kaito freeze in their places.

“We sound like Mamiya.”

For a few moments, pregnant silence filled the room. It was broken by a soft sigh.

“You two, go and get some rest. I don’t think we’ll be needed here today. And if they do need us, they’ll call us. Shuusuke and I will retire for now as well.” Souma decided then. “It’s an order.”

They dutifully shuffled out of the room and to the room they had been assigned to. It was just like one of the rooms at the Church, windowless, basic. There were two beds but instead of having some space and a bedside table between them, the table had been moved to one side and the beds had been pushed together.

A stray, discarded candy wrapper gave some clues as to who the previous occupants of this particular room might have been. It tugged the corners of Mamoru’s lips up for a split second when he dropped the wrapper into the bin.

“Do you think Mamiya felt this way? Was he consumed by a darkness like this?” Kaito had taken off his jacket and gloves and had quietly sat down on the edge of one of the beds.

Mamoru could not be a hundred percent sure because he was not Mamiya but he could make a guess. An educated guess. “He was in too deep already and had lost his way. Ariga found him too late. Ariga’s light was too faint.” His own coat and gloves joined Kaito’s before he sat down next to his Messiah and took Kaito’s hand into his, squeezing gently.

“I won’t let that happen to you. I promise. If you get lost in the darkness, I will come and find you and I will light the way. The right way.” Mamoru promised.

“I’ll find you when you get lost as well.” Kaito whispered back and leaned his head onto Mamoru’s shoulder, seeking comfort. They sat like that in silence for a few moments before Kaito sat up again and turned his head to look at him.

“Mamoru, there’s another side-effect of what happened to me that I didn’t tell you about but only because I didn’t realize it until very recently either,” Kaito said softly. “My memories.”

“What about them? Are there any missing?” Mamoru frowned unhappily.

“No. On the contrary. They are so much clearer now. I figure it’s because they had been digitized along with the rest of my mind, they became data.” Kaito shook his head. Then he continued his explanation and description, “Data is clearer and more accessible than memories. I can access my memories like files now. I just need to pull them up and look at them like a movie or a collection of photos. If I can pinpoint certain dates, sometimes people, it becomes very easy to get very detailed things even. I can also look at things objectively. I can observe my own memories as if I were a third-person watching them.”

One thing was having photographic memory like Mitsumi Haku, another thing was being able to willingly recall detailed memories. Mamoru looked at Messiah.

“Kaito, are you- do you think you’ll be able to deal with that?” Being unable to forget could be painful sometimes. His own memory wasn’t perfect or photographic but it was good enough to fall into the category of ‘may cause you pain as well’.

For a moment, his Messiah seemed to think about his words. Then Kaito answered, “I think I’ll be okay. I think they won’t bother me unless I access them willingly or unless something from outside triggers something. So nothing too out of the...ordinary.”

The short pause Kaito had made before saying that last word had not gone unnoticed by Mamoru. Apart from the questions about Haruto’s death, there had been another burning question which had been thrown at them.

“What are we, Mamoru? If all this is true, we’re not...we’re not normal.” A part of Mamoru wanted to laugh hysterically at this and tell Kaito that the two of them were indeed far from being normal right now. Not after everything that had happened. And well, considering what kind of work they were doing, what line of work they were in, there was no way that they would ever be considered normal ever again. But he knew that Kaito was referring to the past more than the present and that had him worried as well.

But he couldn’t let those worries get the better of him. “Normal or not, what does it matter. You’re still you. I’m still me. We’re still us. That is something that has been, still is and will always be true. Something that won’t change. No matter what.”

“As usual, Mamoru is very strong.” Kaito looked down, averting his eyes.

“I’m not really. I can only be like this because you’re with me.” Mamoru lifted a hand and gently caressed Kaito’s cheek, making the other look up at him again. He brushed Kaito’s long bangs aside and revealed his Messiah’s other eye, which Kaito usually kept hidden. Mamoru thought it was beautiful but Kaito was often embarrassed by his heterochromia, his different coloured eyes. One was a warm brown while the other was a cloudy grey with a brown ring around the pupil, which Mamoru had often described as ‘looking like a discoloured sunflower’.

“Normal is something that depends on definition anyway. We could be normal while everyone else isn’t. At least in some aspects.” Mamoru added. “We’re perfectly normal SAKURA for example.” He remembered words spoken by Kamikita when he said this.

‘Nobody who lived a perfectly normal life ends up in SAKURA’.

And Gojou Souma was no exception. Mamoru was sure of that. Seeing the look in the other’s eyes earlier had told him that much. There was something the other had not told his own Messiah yet. Maybe because Souma himself was still in denial of it.

Maybe more than Kaito and himself, the one who suffered the most after all the revelations this mission had brought so far, was Souma. Someone who thought he was normal for all of his life, even after joining SAKURA and then finding out he was maybe meant or destined to end up here all along. It could crush a person’s entire reality.

He and Kaito were able to realize and accept that they had been different from other people around them. Kaito had been a computer genius since young, Mamoru had always been good with more physically related things - and words.

And really, going from being a genius hacker or the ace of the police force to becoming spies for SAKURA had not been that far of a stretch.

Going from a normal job to becoming a spy, though was a 180-degree turn. On top of that, going from ‘normal’ to being one of SAKURA’s elite spies did not seem like something just anyone could do. Mamoru thought that Shuusuke was suspecting something but had not voiced his suspicions as not to unsettle his Messiah. Mamoru could understand that. He was sure that the two of them would eventually talk things out, though.

Letting himself fall back, he pulled Kaito down with him.

“Let’s forget the dark thoughts for a while? We were allowed to sit back and relax. So take a break. So let’s do just that.” He pulled his Messiah closer, into his arms. “Let’s turn off our minds for a little bit.” Mamoru was using the machine metaphor in jest and it made Kaito smile a bit. Both of them knew they couldn’t just do that - although they wished they could. 

Humans were not machines after all. Humans were humans. With all their weaknesses and flaws. And that was good.

No matter what had been done to them and no matter what they had to endure and experience as SAKURA, as long as they could stay human things would be okay. At least that’s what Mamoru strongly wanted to believe. It was impossible to continue in this line of work without having a strong belief. Without it, it was only too easy to lose one’s way.

“Sounds great.” Kaito whispered softly, head nestled in the crook of Mamoru’s neck. It did not take long for them to find a comfortable position, bodies pressed together, legs tangled. The two of them only took up the space of one bed but oh well. Whatever was comfortable. They had always been like this, even back at the orphanage.

Closing his eyes, Mamoru could feel their heartbeats. Or maybe it was just one heartbeat. Both of their hearts were beating in the same rhythm, perfectly synchronized.

The steady beat slowly but surely lulled Mamoru to sleep. For once, it was blissful relaxing sleep that lasted for more than just a few short, fleeting hours. It was probably the reward for a mission accomplished. Or maybe it was in preparation of what was to come next.

 

~*~

 

As expected, they were not successful in getting anything out of either of their captives. Emperor just seemed like a tough nut to crack in general. Justice just made a show out of it, out of how superior he was to SAKURA and their tactics and methods.

Souma could tell that it was gnawing on Shuusuke. His Messiah had attempted to help but to no avail and it was frustrating him. So Souma pulled the emergency brakes and dragged his Messiah off to the room they had been assigned to for some much needed rest and recovery time. Just as he had hoped, some of the tension left his Messiah when Justice was out of sight.

A shower helped some more. They showered separately, Souma letting Shuusuke go first.

When he walked out into the room again, he was met by a familiar scene. Shuusuke sitting on his side of the bed, staring off into space.

“You want to talk about it?” Souma sat down on the other side and leaned his back against Shuusuke’s and the two of them sat together like that, back to back, in silence for a few moments. This was how they had always comforted each other about ‘work matters’.

“I’d like to talk about the fact how you totally poured oil into the fire by telling Yuuri and Shirasaki about things. But I guess I can kind of see where your motivation was for that. Better now than later.” Shuusuke sighed and then added. “And I’d like to talk about the fact that you didn’t tell me.” He elbowed Souma none too gently. “What else are you keeping from me?”

“Ouch. So violent.” Souma tried to sound casual but his tone betrayed the fact that he was taking things very seriously. “If it helps, I haven’t known for very long myself. Not until I went off on that solo thing before we went to intercept Emperor and Justice. So to be fair, I did not have a lot of opportunity to talk to you.” Which didn’t mean he had not had any. But other things had been on his mind then. He knew that despite everything, Shuusuke understood that.

“I guess I should be grateful for the fact that I was allowed to live a lie for longer than most of the ones that ended up here.” He said bitterly. “When I accepted this mission, I did not know that it would hit quite this close to home. I merely thought that Ichijima thought that I would know the most about my old workplace and could figure things out faster than a third person. I wonder if even he knew what was hidden behind everything that went on there.”

To be honest, he had a feeling that Ichijima had known, to some extent. The other always knew.

Shuusuke wrapped his arms around him, trying to provide some semblance of comfort, closer comfort than when they had their backs pressed together. His Messiah knew that this was moving into the grey zone that was between ‘work’ and ‘personal matters’.

Leaning into the other’s arms, Souma continued, “I didn’t just find Shirasaki’s and Yuuri’s name’s when I looked into things. But I guess you figured that much out already by yourself.”

“What gave me away?” It was a rhetorical question really.

Souma wrapped his arms around his Messiah. “Well, then I’ll tell you something that you might not have figured out yet.” He pulled Shuusuke closer. “Your name was there, too.”

“I had a feeling,” Shuusuke murmured but Souma had felt the other tensing up ever so slightly under his fingers. “Hearing it confirmed is, well, but I can’t say I am very surprised. Not considering how things have been playing out so far.”

“You are still the smarter one out of the two of us.” Souma tried to lighten the mood again and rested his chin on Shuusuke’s shoulder. “But you know, there’s a good thing about all of this, too.” Souma looked at Shuusuke from the side. “The two of us were meant to meet. So even if we hadn’t ended up in SAKURA, we would have crossed paths somewhere, somehow or other.”

“Let’s not talk about ‘what ifs’. Because there’s nothing we can do about those anymore. Let’s talk about what lies ahead.” Shuusuke murmured softly.

What laid ahead, huh. Souma couldn’t suppress the soft snort he let out at that. “Funny how you say looking ahead when what lies ahead is actually forcing us to look back.” Shuusuke’s past was sitting in a cell somewhere in this building after all. They would have to look at the past first, before they could move on to the future.

“Life really is like moving in endless circles, isn’t it?” Shuusuke remarked quietly.

Nodding, Souma agreed, “I’m afraid so.”

Shuusuke pulled back from the embrace they had been sharing and instead pushed Souma down onto the mattress. Swinging a leg over, his Messiah straddled him. The other used one hand to gently push up and then tug off the Souma’s headband, freeing his hair. “Why’d you even put this on when your hair’s still wet?”

“Because I know you like taking it off.” Souma grinned.

Shuusuke gave him a look but then closed his eyes. “Make me forget the past for a bit, Souma.” Shuusuke discarded his own glasses and then looked down at Souma with unguarded, dark eyes. “Make me forget everything but us.”

“No need to ask.” Souma rocked his hips up against Shuusuke’s, eliciting a soft moan from his Messiah. He reached up and cupped Shuusuke’s face with his hands and looked straight into Shuusuke’s eyes, letting himself fall into those seemingly endless depths.

“Drown me.” Souma whispered. “If I can drown myself in you I’ll gladly lose all my breath.”

Things got rather intense between them. Souma had given Shuusuke free reign and Shuusuke had clearly had a few things to work off. By doing so, he drew things out of Souma as well and at the end, both of them were entirely spent but happy, cleared of some of the unnecessary baggage they had been carrying around. Emotional baggage.

Both of them were too tired to clean up properly - a decision they’d regret later - and after some half-assed dabbing and wiping, fell asleep in each other’s arms.

A full-night’s sleep was a luxury, which they enjoyed until a summon for them did arrive at some point the next day. Instead of being asked to help with interrogations once more, it was merely a meeting with Ichijima to share some information and update the commander on the status of things - and to receive updates themselves. By the time they were done with the debriefing, the interrogations had still gotten nowhere. Despite Ichijima himself joining for a while.

Souma and Shuusuke watched from the same room they had observed things from the previous day but this time without Mamoru and Kaito. Or anyone else. Just the two of them.

That was when Shuusuke started to talk, “He was a very capable man in his previous position as well. I learned a lot from him when it came to interrogations. He might very well be a match even for someone of the calibre of Ichijima.”

“So it seems.” Souma hummed.

“He’s an incredibly proud man, though. He takes a lot of pride in his accomplishments and likes to boast about them. That was the one flaw I found in him - most of the time. I thought it was a cultural thing at first but sometimes it went beyond that. One of the other members of our team confessed that to me after a night out drinking.” Shuusuke continued.

He adjusted his glasses before he spoke up again, “The only blemish on his otherwise spotless record is me, I guess. I am the one trophy he is still missing on his shelf and even though he is not openly admitting it, it’s driving him nuts. I could tell that much just from interacting with him shortly in that dam the other day.”

“He was a bit too happy to see you for my tastes, yes.” Souma grumbled.

Shuusuke raised an eyebrow. “Jealous?”

“Very.” Souma huffed. “Or no, wait, that’s the wrong word. Protective. That’s more like it. Or possessive.” He grabbed his Messiah and pulled him close and nuzzled Shuusuke gently as he whispered, “You’re mine. I won’t let anyone else have you.”

“He was very displeased when I chose you over him. He very desperately wants the chance to kill you, I think. You’re in his way and he doesn’t like it. At all.” Shuusuke leaned his head over a bit and let Souma do what he wanted. It showed how troubled his Messiah was to Souma because under normal circumstance Shuusuke would have pushed him away, saying that something like this was against the rules - unwritten rules that stated they were not to do something like this while they were ‘at work’.

When they fell silent again, Souma came up with a plan. It was risky and in the event that it failed would be terribly embarrassing but it was worth a shot. If his judgement of people did not fail him, it would hopefully take them a step further.

“Let’s talk to the guy later. When everyone else is not listening.” Souma told Shuusuke.

“You have a plan?” Shuusuke asked.

“More than a plan, it’s really just a gut feeling.” He looked at Shuusuke. “You’ve been wanting to talk to him, right? I can tell. There are questions you want answers to. And by that I mean you as Shuusuke and not you as a member of SAKURA.”

Shuusuke made a face. “Was it that obvious?”

“Not to others but to me, yes. Who do you think I am?” Souma laced his fingers together with Shuusuke’s. “I’m your Messiah.”

“Can’t hide anything from you, huh?” Shuusuke sighed. “It’s just one question really. A question anyone in this situation would want answered. Of course there are more questions but this one is the central and most important one.”

Souma hummed in understanding. “I can guess what it is then?”

“What do you think it is?” Shuusuke asked.

“How much of it was a lie. How much of your past that is.” Souma looked through the window into the interrogation room with Emperor this time. “I’d like to know that, too.”

“Souma-”

“It can wait. We’ll deal with things one step at a time.” When there was movement in one of the rooms, Souma got up. “Let’s get back to work for now.”

A few hours later found the facility silent. Not exactly abandoned or vacant, though. People had simply gone to do other things and were leaving their prisoners alone for a while. Souma and Shuusuke used that opportunity to go in for a private talk. Shuusuke disabled some of the usual security measures - cameras and sound - so that they would be undisturbed or at worst, did not leave any evidence of rule-breaking. Neither of them knew where this talk would go after all.

Justice greeted them with an amused smile. He was sitting on a chair, bound to it in a straight-jacket and by his ankles. The piece of furniture itself was bolted to the floor, in order to render it useless as a possible weapon and for further immobilization. “Lo and behold. Both of you have personally come to interrogate me? How interesting.”

“I will wipe that smug smile off your face.” Shuusuke grated out between his teeth. His usual cool and calm facade was cracking at a rapid pace.

“I was always able to get a rise out of you.” Justice smiled smugly. One might even say happily and satisfied. “I was the only one able to do that. Only I could turn the Ice Prince of the courtroom into a cute, embarrassed hissing princess.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Shuusuke.” Souma’s voice cut through the air and then his arms were around his Messiah. “Get a grip.” His voice was steady not betraying any emotions. He knew that was what Justice wanted. The look their captive shot him spoke volumes.

“Souma.” Shuusuke closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself.

Souma knew things had to be frustrating for his Messiah, so he tried his best to support the other as best as he could. He’d let Shuusuke try first and if all failed, he’d step in.

“You might have changed a bit over the years, Shuusuke but you’re still as pleasing to the eyes as ever. And those eyes of yours. That glance that made everyone want to confess their sins right then and there in front of the judge. I liked watching you in acting every time. You were young but so very good at what you were doing. I don’t know if you remember but a few of the old lawyers guild were pretty jealous of you.” Justice and Shuusuke were taking a trip down memory lane. “Some of them desperately wished for you to get tripped up somehow.”

“I figured out a while ago that some of them had been in the know about what happened to our team. I guess it explains your rather lush funeral. I had thought that you had earned it with your accomplishments but I guess it was not as romantic as that.” Shuusuke crossed his arms. “Be assured though that all of them did it more for the money than for the opportunity of crushing the career of a talented youngster. That was just an added benefit.”

“Speaking of benefits, that was part of the agreement. They’d cooperate and be good and that included keeping their fingers off you. None of them had a problem when I said I’d take care of you and make you into an obedient little pet.” Justice threw in. “Also, I am really appreciating the fact that you grew your hair out. It would have been unsightly in court, of course but we are no longer in that world right now. And I think it suits you quite well. It looks very soft, too. I remember touching it back then. I wonder if it still feels the same? I’d really like to find out.”

“Keep your filthy fingers off me.”

Justice was pushing Shuusuke further and further out of his comfort zone and Souma could see where this was going. So it was time for him to pull the brakes.

“I think you need a bit of a reminder. A reminder who you really belong to. Shuusuke.” Souma made sure their prisoner got a good angle before he leaned in to claim his Messiah’s lips with his own in a kiss. A kiss that left almost nothing to the imagination. A kiss that was clearly promising that more was still to come.

He worked Shuusuke’s jacket open and got his fingers under the other’s shirt. This view, he hid from Justice purposely. This was his. And his alone.

Souma did not give his Messiah enough time to react and kept pushing. He got Shuusuke to get out of the chair he’d been sitting on and maneuvered him over to the door on the side of the room. It led to a small chamber that was usually used for pre-interrogation strategy meetings and the like.

With Justice out of sight, he also seemed to disappear from Shuusuke’s mind slowly because the moment they entered the other room, Shuusuke started to reciprocate Souma’s advances.

Again, this had been within his calculations.

Pushing Shuusuke down onto a chair in the chamber, he worked his Messiah’s pants open with one hand and gently stroked the growing bulge in them. His other hand was reaching into one of his pockets. He had come prepared.

The end would justify the means. He knew Shuusuke would not have approved of these kinds of dirty tactics but Souma had given up on things like fairness, justice and righteousness a long time ago. This world wasn’t fair. The world was rotten. Innocence or guilt no longer mattered. The only thing that mattered was surviving, was moving on. Souma had stopped to hate many things over time but there was one thing he still hated. And that was to give up.

He would move forward as far as he possibly could, live his life until it came to an end - it eventually would, that was the only thing that was certain in life after all.

The restraints snapped into place and that was when Shuusuke finally seemed to notice that something was a little off about the situation. Both of his wrists had been cuffed to the chair on separate sides and then Souma also secured his ankles with ropes. Shuusuke stared at Souma with wide eyes. “Souma, you’re not-”

Pulling away, Souma straightened up and without shooting Shuusuke another glance, went back into the interrogation room, sauntering up to Justice as if nothing had happened.

“Souma, get back here, right now!”

He ignored the other’s calls. 

Souma took off his jacket and put it over the chair opposite of the captive. He was wearing a tank top underneath - something he didn’t usually do. It gave the American a good view of his back right now and thus the marks that Shuusuke had left there the previous night. Although those were not quite as dark as the ones on his neck and collarbone. His Messiah liked to bite and stake his claim whenever Souma let him - and sometimes when he didn’t let him.

“Gojou Souma.” Justice’s voice sounded a little strained already. The other was not hiding his disdain. It was a good thing. Just what Souma wanted.

“How does it feel to be face to face with your nemesis, Mr. Lawyer?” He had a lot less faith and confidence in his English compared to his Russian these days but Souma didn’t let that stop him. And the other didn’t seem to be commenting on it either.

“I am far less capable when it comes to this than you or Shuusuke are but I can read your thoughts, Mr. Lawyer. Or at least make an educated guess.” He circled the other first, walking leisurely around the chair. “Let me see him? Let me touch him? Those might be the more innocent thoughts.” Souma placed a boot-clad foot onto the chair, right between the restrained legs of their captive when he got back to the front. The tip of his boot was just shy of touching the other male’s crotch. There was a visible dent in the straight jacket there. “I see things got you a little excited. Your body doesn’t lie as well as your mouth does.”

Justice spat some insults at him but Souma was unphased by them. He had been called far worse. Especially by Northern Alliance members for whom he had been the last thing they had ever seen in their lives. And most likely those he had otherwise gotten ahead of.

“Well, I am terribly sorry but those are things you will never be able to obtain. They are out of your reach, out of your league. They’re mine alone. Shuusuke. Is. Mine. He will never be yours. You lost.” He had leaned in closer and closer to the other and his voice had become quieter with every word but not less sharp. “And a loser like you does not deserve him. Those are the rules.”

It was Justice who switched to Japanese then after shouting some obscenities at him. Souma listened very carefully for all the information the other was spilling in between insults and threats. Everything was there. Plans of the Northern Alliance were hidden between chunks of colourful language. A lot of it were personal threats against Souma but but he could tell there was something bigger underneath all that. He’d have to dig a bit further.

“Souma!” Shuusuke’s voice came from the direction of the door, which had been left ajar. It sounded a lot like a moan. “Please.” Ah, Shuusuke had impeccable timing.

He mouthed his words at the American. “Never. Be. Yours.”

That was what really got the other talking. Souma would make sure to edit the worst out of the recording later to spare people the very colourful language and well, other details that people should probably not hear about. Souma filed those away somewhere in his mind, though, in case they would come in handy at some point.

“I shall look forward for those plans to be set into motion then, so I can dismantle and destroy them.” Souma smirked and straightened up when Justice seemed to come to an end with his angry tirade. “Thank you kindly for your cooperation.”

The other male paled when he realized what had just happened and then his face reddened in anger and he shouted even more insults into Souma’s face and even attempted to spit at him.

Souma sidestepped any attempts and grabbed his jacket, giving Justice an insolent little wiggle of his fingers as a ‘goodbye’ before he walked over to the door behind which his Messiah was waiting for him. Justice’s angry voice was slowly but surely turning into a muffled noise - the room was soundproof after all. Nobody would hear him scream.

The door closed behind him and Souma closed his eyes before he let out a sigh. “That’s what you get for still having a shred of humanity in you. And for being so greedy that, like a glutton, you bit off more than you could chew. Pride, wrath, envy and lust are but human weaknesses. Now you can lazily waste away until the Church comes to exorcise you.” Those were the last words he addressed at Justice. Not that the other could hear him. 

Then he turned around and looked at Shuusuke, who was still bound and tied to a chair in front of Souma. His Messiah was glowering at him but there was something else behind the anger.

“And neither of us is able to overcome those weaknesses either.” He leaned down and kissed Shuusuke fiercely, while his other hand undid some of the restraints again. Shuusuke had worked his way through one already so there were soon two hands in his hair, pulling none too gently and directing him where he was supposed to go.

He felt Shuusuke pressing a knee against the bulge in his pants.

“How dare you rile me up like that and then leave me. And on top of that use me for this. You better have a plan as to how to make up for all of this,” Shuusuke growled.

“I have no plan but I think I can come up with something,” Souma rid himself of his headband - it joined Shuusuke’s glasses on the table - and then undid the zipper on his pants in a few swift movements. Shuusuke’s jacket and shirt had already been opened and his pants loosened so there was no need for him to deal with those.

Souma licked his lips for a moment before he decided to get down onto his knees. He positioned himself between Shuusuke’s legs and pulled the other’s pants down further before he leaned in to wrap his lips around Shuusuke’s erect and throbbing cock, drawing out uncharacteristically lewd sounds from the other. Waiting while being in a worked up state had seemingly erased a few of Shuusuke’s inhibitions. Another thing Souma filed away somewhere in his mind for later. For another time.


	6. Interlude: Kuroko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is set between the events of Akatsuki no Toki and the main timeline of Sosei no Toki/Owari no Toki.
> 
> Might be a bit graphic in parts, so please be warned.
> 
>  
> 
> There might also be tense screw ups and some crude descriptions but no matter how hard I try I cannot seem to find the right way to say some things. So before I get stuck for all eternity, I decided to post it. Might edit later.

After the original Church had been destroyed during the Necromancer incident, SAKURA relocated their training facilities. There had been a few backup locations, so moving had not taken up a lot of time. It wasn’t like there was a lot left of the old Church. Although they were able to recover a few things. Some were important, some were not so important. At least at first glance or depending on the person.

Kuroko smiled when he put more books onto the shelves in the library. Since it had been far away from the server rooms, it had been the least damaged. Some books were slightly charred but still readable. They had not lost any of these records.

Others might snub him for taking care of these ‘unnecessary’ things but to Kuroko, the library was an essential part of the Church. It was a place where the lines between cadets and humans blurred. In the library, you could be both, a member of SAKURA or a normal human being. He himself had often found refuge from the daily life at the Church in the library. And he had watched many other pairs of Messiah, who had not always sat among the large wooden shelves to study up on an enemy or to prepare for a mission.

He liked seeing those little glimpses of the people behind the masks that SAKURA forced on them the most. And Kuroko always tried to catch them whenever possible.

“You seem to be in a good mood today, Kuroko-san,” Yugi pointed out when he came in, carrying the last boxes of books. “It’s seldom to see a truly happy expression around here.”

“Ah, it’s because we’re expecting guests today. I haven’t seen them in person for quite a while, needless to say together. So I am looking forward to it.” Kuroko smiled. Then his expression softened a bit. “And I guess it’s true that real happiness is not something we’re known for around here. But it still exists in all of us somehow. I hope.”

The new cadet gave him a complicated expression in return and then went to put down the boxes. Following behind Yugi, Kogure stepped into the library.

Kogure arched up an eyebrow. “I guess it is safe to assume that you hold these guests in high regard?” Apparently he had overheard their conversation.

“Yep!” Kuroko grinned. “They’re friends.”

The expression that word caused to appear on Yugi’s and Kogure’s faces was almost priceless and Kuroko wished he had a camera to capture them.

Friends. It was almost a forbidden word around these halls. SAKURA were, after all, not allowed to become friends or lovers. But he was not part of SAKURA. People seemed to forget that - or simply not know it. Momose Tatara had been part of SAKURA and was probably still part of SAKURA but Kuroko wasn’t. Instead of SAKURA, Kuroko was ‘merely’ part of the Church and as such, the rules of SAKURA did not apply to him. It was a loophole, created just for him.

“Who are we expecting?”

“Two of your senior members of SAKURA. They are pretty badass. Maybe, if you’re lucky, you will be able to get some advice from them. It will be valuable advice.” Kuroko replied.

The conversation ended there. He shouldn’t say too much. It was not his place to tell other people’s stories. And he did not want to get the cadets’ hopes up because Kuroko did not know how schedules would work out. SAKURA agents were busy after all. There was never enough time for anything - sometimes including being a human and satisfying basic human needs.

Time was a good keyword for the guests he was expecting as well. The time he had spent with Shuusuke and Souma had been shorter than the time he had spent around Haku and Eiri and some of the other cadets but Kuroko had come to like them all the same. He liked all SAKURA cadets really but there were always some who were special to him.

Kamikita had joked about how Kuroko seemed to have developed a sixth sense for those who would succeed and those who would fail. He always seemed to pick the ones who went far.

Shuusuke and Souma were special to him because they knew some of his secrets. Mamoru was also among the selected few who knew about his past now as well but that had been different. He had told Mamoru, whereas Shuusuke and Souma had figured it out by themselves and they had been understanding and encouraging.

Kuroko still remembered the day. It had been Shuusuke’s and Souma’s graduation from the Church. The two had been getting ready to leave and Kuroko had gone to bid his farewell to them and to say good luck. He’d just said his well-wishes and bowed towards the pair when Souma had started to speak, reciting a quote.

“May these waters wash all blood and sins off these hands. Although I know to heaven they shall never be clean. May the waves accept this soul and guide it to blissful darkness.”

Kuroko tensed when he heard those words.

“That was your picture, wasn’t it? Your book.” He could feel Souma’s eyes on him more than he could see them from his current position.

His voice had been shaking when he asked back, “What makes you think that?”

“Dead SAKURA cadets’ possessions are incinerated and thus disposed of. Graduated SAKURA may or may not take personal belongings but usually also destroy things because well, not much you can take along for the ride and better be safe than sorry. Personal belongings could be used against you somehow. But what about someone who stopped being a SAKURA cadet and started a new life. Within the same walls. There are not really any set rules, as far as I remember. So nothing speaks against donating things for future generations. Especially if it’s an important message for said future generations,” Shuusuke pushed his glasses up and then pushed himself away from the wall. He and Souma walked past Kuroko and patted the other on the shoulder in passing, each of them placing their hands on one of Kuroko’s shoulders respectively, framing him. “The rest was, let’s say, intuition.”

Souma smiled. “We’re glad somebody pulled you out of that ocean. This place needs someone like you. So please keep taking care of everything and everyone.”

“We leave them in your care, Kuroko-san. And we’re sure that they’ll take care of you in return. So we’ll see you again. Someday.” Shuusuke had added.

“You’re not-”

Other people had always judged him, given him funny looks. But not them.

“Because we know. We understand.” The warm looks in Souma’s and Shuusuke’s eyes were the last thing that Kuroko had seen of the pair for a long time. It was a fond memory, a good memory he sometimes recalled in darker hours.

The pair understood him. Understood what it was like to lose someone so important to you, someone you considered your other half. Someone you thought had made you perfect. They understood what it was like to lose them to the enemy, they understood what it was like to be betrayed, they understood what it was like to draw a gun and point it at the person you valued the most in this world full of darkness. That understanding and acceptance was what had saved him, what had kept him in the world of the living.

The only other people who had ever accepted him so unconditionally were the two who had kept him in this world, who had kept him from ending his life back then. The two who had pulled him out of that ocean Souma and Shuusuke had been talking about. 

Momose Tatara had been among the first generation of young SAKURA cadets. People did say that first times were always different. Before his group, SAKURA had tried to work with more seasoned agents - like Yaegashi and Hayashi - but at some point it had been decided to start younger. So they had brought in younger candidates for the first time. 

SAKURA as it was now, had been created by Ichijima but there had always been spy agencies within the Japanese Government before. The central figures of the predecessor agencies were Agatsuma and Shiikura. Ichijima had been one of the outstanding agents from that time, rising from the position of a mere candidate to one of the most effective field agents in almost no time. He was left in charge of some of the fieldwork as well, which earned him the respect of more seasoned agents like Yaegashi and Hayashi and the support from members of the research branch, like Dr. THREE.

When it was decided that they were to infiltrate the Northern Alliance HQ, Ichijima decided to put a new system into effect. A new partnership system, or buddy-system, if one wanted to call it that. During training and missions, he had been paired with a variety of people and while things usually worked out, he found there to be combinations that worked better or worse than others. He found that certain characteristics in a person and then in a pair were desirable because they ensured success and increased the probability of survival.

He ordered all agents under him to henceforth work in permanent pairs of two. He laid out a few simple rules to be followed and found no resistance to them. People had started to follow him because they believed in him and in his ideals because on top of becoming a force to be reckoned with as a spy, Ichijima had also started to divert from both Agatsuma’s and Shiikura’s ideas of justice and their ideas of how a spy agency should be run.

With his ideals, Ichijima was able to rally powerful allies around himself. Allies and followers.

And that’s how SAKURA had come into existence. Of course it had needed backing from the Ministry of Justice, so both Agatsuma and Shiikura had been aware of its existence but nobody else. It had not just been for the sake of secrecy but also as a precaution in case of failure. If nobody knew about its existence, nobody would know about any failures.

Of course, as a precaution against SAKURA running wild and rebelling against their system, Agatsuma and Shiikura had both put some security mechanisms into place. Or had put some people into the right places. Momose Tatara had been one of those people, picked by Shiikura, educated and trained by him and then chosen by him to watch SAKURA’s movements from within the organization. The person by his side had, ironically, been chosen by Agatsuma.

Shiikura had molded him into the perfect soldier and spy. Emotionless, efficient, extraordinary. An expert who was able to wield heavy artillery. Machine guns were hard to control and often touted as inefficient in their line of work but Momose made them work. His accuracy with the weapons was revered by many within their organization. Lacking emotions, he also lacked inhibitions that would keep a normal person from wielding a weapon designed for mass killing.

Some considered it a blessing. Others considered this lack of emotions a curse.

A curse to be lifted. 

Joining SAKURA changed him. Meeting his Messiah changed him. The person he had once been resurfaced. The human he still was at heart resurfaced.

It had been largely because of Ichijima and Kamikita.

He had found his interest in books because Ichijima had taken him to the library. Instead of scientific books or encyclopedias, the other had shoved novels and poetry collections into his arms. “They might come in handy. Maybe during an undercover mission,” Ichijima had looked around before he had added, “Or maybe just as a place to escape to from the darkness.”

He had then found his interest in people because Kamikita had taken him to bed. Their feelings had synchronized and then one night, at the height of shared emotions, they had embraced each other. It had been a whole new world for Momose. He had never been taught, needless shown, the world of physical pleasure. It hadn’t been purely physical with Kamikita but despite emotions being involved, despite their relationship being a special one, things had been more platonic than romantic between them. Romantic feelings had been saved for a different person who had stepped into his life.

Being in SAKURA taught him how to be a perfect spy and soldier but it also taught him how to turn it all off again in order to live. In order to be. Turning his emotions and feelings on and off at will had been something he had been rather proud of. Going from human to monster from one second to the next and back again. Until that fateful day. Until the day when he became unable to turn back. Until the day when the bitter truth had threatened to tear that regained humanity into shreds. Until the day when the bitter truth had shattered his heart into pieces. 

He remembered the moment when he had found out. He remembered the moment when he had lost control of his emotions, when he had lost control of himself.

Shreds and pieces had been all that was left of his Messiah a few hours later. Ichijima and Kamikita had gone to recover him and found him at the ocean. The water around him had turned red, partially from the blood coming off him but also partially from what the waves had dragged in from the shore where he had left his past.

“They do say the wrath of someone who has known love is the most dangerous and fearsome of all.” Ichijima looked at the bloody mess that had, until moments ago, been a human. The remains were slowly being swallowed by the ocean.

“Momose, it’s not the end!” That was Kamikita’s voice. It had been carried by the wind. Momose had been almost neck-deep in the water at that point. Far from the shore. “Come back.”

There was nothing to go back to. Momose took another step forward.

“People also say that you should kill monsters. And I am about to do that.”

Strong hands grabbed him suddenly and forcefully dragged him back to the shore. He was tossed against another body. “Don’t just decide things on your own. You’re still needed and wanted here, Momose. Some monsters deserve to live. Or rather, do not deserve to die.”

“But why? I broke the rules. And I just killed- and on top of it all-”

“So what.” Ichijima looked at him. “We still want you here. You’re still needed here. You might have lost him but you have not lost us. Are we not...your friends? Did you not learn what that means again?” The Ichijima back then had also been different. The sly realist and idealist had always been there but underneath the surface there had also been a romanticist and dreamer.

Momose had closed his eyes and he had felt the tears burning in them. “But SAKURA cannot become friends or lovers. Unless they’re Messiah! And they cannot exist alone. They always have to be in a pair. Those are the rules.”

“Well, as of now you are no longer a member of SAKURA,” Ichijima stated in a matter-of-fact voice. “So you are no longer bound by those rules.”

“Who decided that?”

“Me. Just now. It’s the commander’s orders, so move it.”

“You heard the commander.” Kamikita smiled and put an arm around Kuroko’s shoulders. Then he lifted him up and carried him princess-style back to the shore and the car that was waiting for them there. “You’re coming back with us.”

Another wave of emotions had swept over him then and Momose had just let it all out. Why were these two people doing this to him. These two people who had showed him heaven and hell alike. These two people he had vowed to follow even to death. These two people, who had been the only ones to show him real warmth again.

“It feels good to be in your arms like this. I feel fragile and yet so safe.”

Kamikita had smiled. “Admitting that you’re weak is the first step of becoming strong.”

“It’s not a weakness to want to run away. Weakness is choosing the easy way out though.” Ichijima threw a towel over him. “Run away, Momose. You can reset life. Your life. It’s something not everyone can do. It’s a privilege. You deserve it.”

“Can I become someone else?”

“You can.”

“Can I become a princess?” It had just been the first thing that had come to his mind, considering the way he was being treated by the other two men right now.

“If that is what you want.”

It was the gentlest and most genuine and honest he had ever seen Ichijima. And it would be the last time he would see the other like that. Although the day when Yuuri Kaito on the verge of death, asked Ichijima to make a promise had come pretty close.

The memories of that fateful day had stayed with him and changed him. Discarding the name Momose Tatara, he had become Kuroko. Kuroko did not have any official duties within the Church but unofficially he was just as much of a teacher to the new cadets as Ichijima and Kamikita were. Or more than a teacher, he was a protector. A guardian angel, who watched over the humans inside the Church instead of the trained spies that left the Church.

He was bound and yet he was free. He found happiness within his unhappiness and misfortune somehow. This was what it meant to be human.

Kuroko remembered Shiikura’s words when he had crossed paths with his old mentor. “You changed. You were changed. From a perfect existence into an imperfect one.”

“This is the choice I made.” He had retorted. A choice he did not regret to this day.

Another thing he did not regret was the change his case brought about in SAKURA. While the rules were still firmly in place, exceptions seemed to be made here and there. Ichijima called it ‘colleagues’ and ‘co-workers’ or even ‘allies’ instead of friends when he allowed larger groups of cadets to work together and cooperate. While the existence of the Messiah was still absolute, cadets were able to create different support nets to catch them in case of ‘failure’.

The rate of ‘failures’ went down considerably. The Church saw more safe graduations for a while and things seemed fine for a bit until the North made their move again. It was a circle that repeated itself over and over again. The Church would be filled with smiles one day and then with tears or anger the next.

Kuroko would watch Shuusuke and Sakai laugh quietly in the library together or see Souma and Haruki play-wrestling after coming back from the Chinese Restaurant one day and then find Shuusuke breezing past him with teary eyes and Souma passed out drunk on one of the sofas the next. And then before he knew it, he would find Shuusuke and Souma laughing together in the library instead before watching them giving each other the cold shoulder or fighting the next.

The emotional rollercoaster never made his life boring.

Of course he liked to remember the happy moments a lot more than the sad or angry ones.

Picking up a book from one of the boxes Yugi had brought in, Kuroko remembered the day when Shuusuke and Souma had read this particular one. It had been the day when they had first become more aware of his existence as well.

It had actually been Souma who had read the book. Shuusuke had been resting against his Messiah with his head nestled in the crook of Souma’s neck, fast asleep.

Kuroko had been cleaning around the library when he had stumbled over the pair in the far corner, hidden behind the tallest, darkest shelves. He had watched them for a moment from behind one of the shelves, taking in the serene moment.

Then, Souma’s eyes had flown up and looked straight at him. It had startled Kuroko and he had almost knocked over some books if not for his fast, trained reflexes.

Speaking of those, had his ability to hide his presence dulled? For the other to notice him…

“I sense people easily it seems,” Souma had spoken up first. “But I think you mean no harm, so just come out. We won’t hurt you.” Then he had tilted his head over. “Who are you?”

“I’m Kuroko. I guess you could say that I’m the caretaker of this place.” He had spoken as quietly as he possibly could so as not to wake up the other’s Messiah.

“So people like you exist, even in this kind of place,” but apparently Shuusuke had already been awake. He opened his eyes and looked at Kuroko. “Pleased to make your acquaintance then and thank you for everything you must have been doing around here.”

“Yeah, thanks! I’m sure it must be a lot of work.” Souma had added.

That had made him blink a bit. Nobody had ever thanked him.

“You’re welcome,” he had laughed in a nonchalant, high-pitched tone. An automatic reaction by his brain, to hide some of his real emotions. It was still difficult for him to open up to other people. So he had created a protective shell to hide in. His flamboyant personality drew people in and allowed them to relax around him and yet kept them away for the most part. Kept them at a certain distance. And that was what Kuroko wanted.

Shuusuke and Souma though, managed to peek into that shell time and again. Until they finally forced it open on their last day at the Church.

Kuroko would always keep them close to his heart and value them as well as remember them fondly as the first two people after Ichijima and Kamikita to be able to get through to him.

The people he saw again that night were not the ones he remembered, though. Of course he had expected them to be changed. Being out there changed a person after all but not like this.

Both Souma and Shuusuke were drenched in blood. It wasn’t as visible on their clothes, considering they were black, but there were red splatters on their faces and some of their hair stuck together weirdly. Kuroko got a sinking feeling. Usually SAKURA missions did not get that bloody. The only time things got bloody were when something really bad happened.

He knew that much from experience. He had looked like that before. After he had bludgeoned someone to death. His own Messiah.

Looking into Souma’s eyes now, they reminded him more of Ichijima’s than of Souma’s own - or rather what Souma’s own used to be. These were the eyes of a man who had seen too much, experienced too much and as a result, had rid himself of as many emotions as he could.

Once upon a time, Ichijima’s eyes had been the same as Souma’s had been as well but time had gradually changed them. And they had changed Souma’s the same way.

Shuusuke’s eyes were empty. They were the eyes of someone who had lost all feelings after being overwhelmed by them. A tidal wave crashing down and then taking everything in its wake with it. He had felt so much he no longer knew how to feel anymore.

Kuroko thought that they had to look like his own had when he had been standing on that beach years ago.

“What happened to them?” Kuroko asked Kamikita when the other came in behind the two younger SAKURA agents. He got a sinking feeling in his stomach when he looked at the other male. Even though Kamikita was not showing any emotions openly, Kuroko knew how to read other subtle signals the other was sending. And they weren’t telling him anything good.

Kamikita closed his eyes and balled his fist angrily. “Despite everyone’s best efforts, the North found their families. And killed them.”

Kuroko covered his mouth with a hand in shock.

It had been a first, for SAKURA cadets to be drafted who still had familial ties to people in the ‘normal’ world. Most of the cadets were orphaned, or people who wouldn’t be missed. While both Souma and Shuusuke had lived away from their families and faking their deaths or disappearances had been easy enough, the familial ties could not be erased that easily. Of course SAKURA and the government had taken care of their families and put them under a witness protection program - had relocated them, given them new identities. But even then, the North had found and murdered them.

“Shiba was too late to get to his family when the North sent him a threat. When he arrived at the scene they were already dead. Gojou however arrived when the agents from the North were still in the process of killing his family but he couldn’t save them. His father had already been dead but I heard his mother died in his arms and he had to watch his younger sister die as well. ”

Bile rose in his throat and he could feel anger welling up inside of him as well. He had not felt angry in a long time. Not since that day. He quickly fought it down again, afraid it might burst out and make things worse rather than better.

Him getting angry and losing control would not help anybody.

He ushered the two Messiah deeper into the Church instead, steering them towards a certain direction with Kamikita. The other left them half-way, probably to report to Ichijima.

Neither Shuusuke nor Souma had said a word ever since they had been brought in. They did not look at nor did they speak at each other either. It was as if their bodies were just moving on autopilot, going on about cleaning themselves and moving as they were instructed to. It made a shiver run down Kuroko’s spine. This was how the Gs worked. Beings that were but human shells now, without a soul, without a personality. Without life.

Kuroko peeked into the communal bathing area of the new Church a bit later - it was usually used by those who had yet to be assigned a Messiah - and his eyes quickly found who he was looking for. He had just wanted to make sure that neither of the two tried something weird. It looked like they were doing fine, though. Or well, as fine as one could be in this situation. 

Since he could imagine what they were going through, he could also imagine what might be going on inside their heads. Kuroko could picture the scene in his head vividly. Shuusuke and Souma were not with them right now. They were not in the bathing area of the Church. They were somewhere else. The two of them were looking at a vast, dark ocean. They were lost in the sheer endlessness that laid in front of them. They were tempted by the finality it offered, the release, the bliss. It would be so easy. It was so inviting.

The two remained lost in that world and completely unresponsive even when Ichijima and Kamikita both came to talk to them afterwards. Kuroko, too, was unable to get any reaction out of them. There was nothing, not even a flicker of emotions in either of their eyes.

It wasn’t until later that night that things happened. Kuroko jumped up from his sleep, roused by a scream that carried so many emotions in it that it drove tears into Kuroko’s eyes when he heard it. He recognized it to be Souma’s voice.

Apparently the emotions had returned, full force. Everything had been bundled into that scream. Anger, despair, sadness, frustration, hatred, love. It was like all the emotions had broken free, had returned at the same time and had just overflowed. Instead of letting them drown him, Souma had let them all out, though to free himself from them - partially.

When he went to check on the pair, he stopped at the door. He could peek into the room through a small gap. Shuusuke and Souma were sitting in a corner, huddled close together, their heads resting against each other’s. Their faces were not visible but Kuroko could hear them cry. There were no sobs but their ragged breathing told him that they were spilling tears. He could also see that Shuusuke was holding onto Souma’s hands, maybe to keep the other from hurting himself.

Kuroko stayed by the door for a few moments - stayed until the pair’s breathing had normalized somewhat and their bodies seemed to relax again.

Then he left them alone, gave them some privacy. He was sure that they would recover now.

When he woke up the next morning, he went about doing his chores and tasks as usual. He was about to get some breakfast going when Ichijima limped in. “Don’t make too much. Shiba and Gojou left already to go back on their respective missions.”

“What? But they should have-”

“It was upon their own requests. Or rather, they just up and left. Such insolence.” Ichijima chuckled softly. “They have reported back, so it doesn’t look like they are leaving SAKURA nor are they abandoning their jobs and posts. On the contrary, everything might have actually increased their motivation.”

“Ichi,” Kuroko made a face that showed that he clearly did not approve of all of this but he didn’t say anything further. He had a feeling that Ichijima wasn’t happy either.

When he left to get his cleaning utensils, he bumped into Kamikita.

“This was left for you.” He handed the other a letter. “It was the only trace left of them in the room when we went to check.”

Kuroko opened the letter and smiled at the lines written on the paper. One was in Shuusuke’s neat and the other in Souma’s scrawled writing.

_Thanks for caring. We appreciate it._

_We’ll catch up next time. Promise._

“They’re so strong.” Kuroko whispered. “And yet they are weak.”

“They are strong because they know weakness.” Kamikita hummed. “Because they are human.”

The words and thought reassured him.

“You, too, are still human. Sometimes you keep forgetting that.” Kamikita wrapped an arm around Kuroko, wrapping him into a half-hug. “Please don’t ever forget that.”

“I won’t.” Kuroko whispered shakily and then took a deep breath before repeating in a more confident, stable voice, “I won’t.”

 

Kuroko did not remember how much time had passed since then. It felt like years but he knew that in reality it must have merely been a few weeks at most. Time moved fast and yet slow at the same time. Always. It was a mysterious thing.

Another mysterious thing was how some things had a tendency of repeating themselves. He was no stranger to notions of deja-vu. Actually he had moments like that quite often. Right now was one of those moments. He had gotten up early and was about to make breakfast, when Ichijima had limped in. But then the flow of events changed slightly.

“We have guests this morning.”

Two people entered the room behind Ichijima. They were wearing plain black clothes - normal clothes, not the usual SAKURA mission gear nor the customary Church coats.

“A promise is a promise, right?”

Kuroko felt tears welling up in his eyes. “You two!”


	7. Chosen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long. RL got in the way and other fic ideas took over and then Polar Night destroyed me a little bit...
> 
> There will be some Polar Night spoilers thrown in but nothing too major. In case you really want to avoid spoilers though, please do not continue?
> 
> The next part will most likely have to wait until after I watch Yukyu no Toki in September but I will see whether or not I might throw in another Interlude to bridge the gap until then. I do not have a lot of time to write in August, though because I will not be at home for almost 2 weeks (and my computer is on the verge of dying...). So my apologies in advance.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading though! It makes me happy to see that this fic is being clicked on by more people than expected.

Stepping out of the shower and subsequently the bathroom, Souma looked at his back in the large full-length mirror when he walked past it on the way back into the room while toweling his still wet hair. He stopped to inspect what he could see in the reflection. What he saw was a wild pattern of angry red lines, clearly visible even from this angle. Souma could only see a small part of it but he could sure feel the rest of it. The slight burning told him that skin had broken and blood had been drawn in some places as well.

“You’re going to give me more scars than our enemies.” Souma joked and turned back around to face the mirror. Through it, he could see another figure approaching from behind. Shuusuke’s arms snaked around his waist and his Messiah pressed himself against Souma’s bare back.

“Serves you right.” Shuusuke bit down on a patch of skin to emphasize his point.

“I’ll accept all punishment if this is what it looks like.” Souma grinned and earned himself a slap on the back. “Ow!” he laughed goodnaturedly and then made a grab for his shirt.

Shuusuke stopped him before he could put it on, though.

His Messiah’s fingers gently traced a scar on one of Souma’s abs, between his chest and hip. It was by far the most prominent scar that Souma had on his body. And it was one that Shuusuke probably remembered very well. He had been there when the injury had been inflicted. It had been a bullet from the revolver of Amane Yasuchika. It had been the first mission they had been sent on as each other’s Messiah.

“I’m not going to die easily. I swear,” Souma placed a hand over Shuusuke’s. “But that goes for you as well, alright? This was and still is a mutual promise. You are not freed from that promise just because we graduated.” His hand wandered to Shuusuke’s body. It was a little awkward, considering the way they were standing but it worked. His Messiah had a twin-scar. It was in almost the same location as his own. Inflicted during their graduation mission by Kimimura, who had been an enemy spy who had snuck into the Church. And all in the presence of Amane Yasuchika. It was like the other male was a jinx, whenever he was around, something bad would happen to either Souma or Shuusuke.

“I am more worried about you,” Shuusuke muttered. “You’ve made yourself very powerful enemies.” He closed his eyes. “But your enemies are my enemies. They’ll have to go through me first before they’ll get to you.”

Souma smiled. “That’s if I let them get to you. If I fall, I want to fall alongside you. Next to you. Our lives will go out at the same time.” He took Shuusuke’s hand into his own again and raised it to his lips to kiss Shuusuke’s fingers gently. “It might be wishful thinking but there is not much else that I can dream about these days.”

“How about me?” Shuusuke had apparently had enough of standing around and shoved Souma onto the bed before he flopped down on top of him.

“That dream has you in it.” Souma laughed.

“In a happier way would be nice?” Shuusuke pointed out.

“You never wanted to do happy things with me when we were still at the Church. You know, I’m still a tiny little bit bitter about what you said about the hero show.” Souma mock pouted.

“If you have time to be hung up about that you clearly have too much time on your hands. I should tell Ichijima that you don’t have enough work.” Shuusuke didn’t mean it of course - Souma could tell from the other’s tone of voice.

“We can go on all the dates we want once the promised day arrives.”

“The promised day, huh.” Souma closed his eyes. “Sometimes, when I was up north, alone in the cold godforsaken wasteland, I wondered whether meeting you had been just a dream. I thought that someone like you was simply too good to be true. That it had all been just my imagination. Our time together at the Church had been so short, I thought that maybe you had just been someone I had dreamed up to soothe loneliness that surrounded me.” He nuzzled the other’s neck. “But you’re real.”

Shuusuke sounded a little reprimanding but Souma could detect a slight quiver in the other’s voice that told him that Shuusuke was feeling rather strongly about this subject as well. “You know that if this wasn’t a rule, I would not let you work by yourself all the time.” None of them liked to work alone. None of them wanted to be apart.

“You and your rules.” He pulled Shuusuke into his arms. “But speaking of work. Let’s sleep. I feel tomorrow is going to be long.” They knew that they couldn’t stay here at the facility forever. They couldn’t stay in each other’s arms forever. They were needed elsewhere. 

SAKURA was always short when it came to manpower. Every agent in the field counted. And the time until the next World Reforming was ticking away at a rapid pace.

There were other places they had to return to before they would eventually be able to return to each other again. Such was the life they chose. Or the life that had chosen them rather.

“Before we leave, there are a few things that we should do still.”

“I know.” Souma sighed and nuzzled Shuusuke’s neck. “You sensed it as well, didn’t you? Otherwise you wouldn’t have said that just now.”

“Why do you ask if you already know the answer?” Shuusuke leaned back into Souma’s body and sighed softly. “It was all too easy. They wanted us to know all of this information. If they had really wanted us to be left in the dark, we wouldn’t have been able to capture these two alive. Justice, maybe. Maybe deep down he is too much of a coward to kill himself when captured, as would be required of a professional, real spy. But Emperor. He knows.”

Souma made an affirmative sound. “All the more reason to get back on the job quickly.”

“At least we weren’t all here. It was good to let Haku and Eiri know about things beforehand.”

“Taking precautions is how you stay ahead of the enemy.”

The next morning - or whatever time it was - found them a few hours of actually restful sleep later. They put on normal, plain clothes for now and moved back down to the confinement cells.

This time around, they turned to the other side and inside the room, were met by an old man, sitting strapped to his chair, unmoving. The eyes, which had been closed before, opened when the door fell shut behind them. There was a flicker of recognition in those eyes.

Souma stepped up and moved closer to Emperor. “It has been quite a long time. Although I am not sure if you remember me or not. We never really talked whenever you came for your visits.”

Emperor’s eyes followed him. And then he spoke up, for the first time since they had crossed paths. “Gojou Souma. It was no coincidence that you got a job at that childcare facility. I willed it.” It was a deep and raspy voice, the voice of an old man.

“You were planning to reel him in eventually and you wanted to watch him,” Shuusuke’s eyes narrowed. “You knew who he was from the beginning.”

“I was always watching. Maybe not through my own eyes but through that of others. It was also no coincidence that you wanted to work with children.”

Souma clenched his fist. “Conditioning. Subliminal influences. That’s how you found out about the location of my family. It was my father, wasn’t it? You were connected to him somehow.”

“If he possessed your abilities, he wouldn’t be where he is now.”

“Well, I didn’t exactly get these from him. Or any of them, I guess.” Souma sounded bitter.

“You were the first to be born in perfect condition. And you grew up without displaying any flaws or other problems.” Emperor almost sounded proud when he said that. “But you did not display much of what we had desired at first either. In laymen’s terms, you were simply too normal. Thinking back now, we had probably hoped for too much. We had hoped for something more obvious. It wasn’t until Kusunose send a report about your progress that we noticed that things had indeed gone as planned with you. His attempt to retrieve you ended in failure however.”

Only years of training and all of the experiences he had made as a spy so far kept the emotions from showing on his face now but Souma wondered whether or not they had still shown in his eyes even if only for a second because Emperor gave him a rather knowing look.

“But again there had been a miscalculation. That young gun Ichijima had found a way to maximize the potential of the gifted children somehow. His ‘Howling Theory’ brought forth better results than any other.” Emperor looked over to Shuusuke.

Souma hummed softly. “Which is why Voskhod copied it, I assume.”

“Correct.” Emperor answered without looking away from Shuusuke.

It was clear that he was not going to give away more information on Voskhod but was more interested in talking about them instead. After finishing with Souma, it was clearly Shuusuke’s turn. “You were gifted from the very beginning. So we merely had to put the doors into your path so you would be aware of them and opened them without thinking.”

“Meeting Justice had been planned from the very beginning as well, hadn’t it?” Shuusuke asked a rhetorical question. “Things were going smoothly here but your timing was off in the end as well. You lost another one of your precious experiments.”

“I had not anticipated things to turn out this way.”

“That’s usually what happens to a team of crazy scientists, you know. One of them takes a step back and gasps, ‘we might have created a monster’. And then their creation will come back to haunt them even when they try to cover things up.” Souma was trying to keep his emotions in check and was proud of himself for managing very well.

Below the surface, he was beyond furious. It was as if all of them had been cards to be drawn, to be claimed by one side. It was as if all of their lives, the lives of the people around them, maybe even the fate of the world, was just some big game to some people out there. Thinking about it made him sick. But that feeling disappeared soon enough when Souma grudgingly admitted that this was just the normal and usual course of history. There would always be people like that. That was how wars were started, how misery had been born.

“There were some more miscalculations on our end. Considering Mitsumi Haku irrecoverable and failed was one. On the same lines, the early erasure of Yuuri Haruto. He, too, might also have been a late starter. We learned from those mistakes. We recovered others.”

“Higayama. Serizawa. Mamiya. Salyut. Souk.” Souma remembered the names from the data he had gathered. “To name a few.”

“Mamiya was a special case. His loss was also regrettable. His case showed us that there were some flaws in the Messiah system that we needed to erase. We had to change the way in which people were viewing the partnership. If it were a partnership based on use and usage it would be ideal. Emotions have no place in it. A lover is but baggage to get rid of.”

Souma interrupted the other here. “A Messiah is nothing like a lover. Nothing like a mere partner. Calling them something like that would trivialize, cheapen their position and existence.” Souma looked at Shuusuke. “A Messiah is an existence you need. One you cannot be without. Messiah is a part of you. Your eyes in a different place, your feet when you cannot walk. Your ears when you cannot listen. Your mouth when you cannot speak.” Their shoulders touched.

“Souma is me. And I am him.” Shuusuke sidled up against his partner.

They didn’t need eye-contact to coordinate their words. “We are one.”

The flicker of surprise that Souma saw in Emperor’s eyes when he pulled the gun on him was reward enough. “If you thought that you could sit it out here, you are wrong. You probably thought that SAKURA would want to keep you for interrogations longer. Until you spilled whatever information you might have. And that would give your allies enough time to move. Who knows, you might already have someone inside this building on your side. Too bad they will be too late. Well, it was highly unpleasant to talk to you. See you in hell.”

 

When the door closed behind them, Souma looked at his Messiah. “Do you think Kuroko will be disappointed when he hears about this?”

Wiping the blood off his glasses, Shuusuke asked, “Why?”

“I think he still believes we are human.”

“Are we not?” Shuusuke put his glasses back on.

Souma put his gun back into the holster after wiping it briefly. “Sometimes I wonder if I can still answer that question confidently. Sometimes I doubt myself and think that I am lying.” Both to himself and the person he talked to, that went without saying.

 

~*~

 

Kamikita was sitting in the briefing room at the Church and greeted Mamoru and Kaito as they came in. “It appears that Gojou and Shiba got Justice to talk and spill the beans. We’re about to discuss what they were able to get out of him.”

“How?” Mamoru’s eyes widened. “Even Commander Ichijima was unable to get anything out of him. Or either of the two for that matter.”

Kaito hummed, “Did Shiba-san use his knowledge of Justice to get him to talk?”

“It wasn’t me but Souma who broke him in the end.” Shuusuke and Souma walked into the room. They were in full mission gear with their guns strapped into their holsters.

Souma looked at Mamoru and Kaito. “Do you have a status report?”

“We’re sending fake correspondence to members of the Northern Alliance.” Mamoru nodded. “The Tower was notified of a SAKURA raid and Emperor and Justice are officially in hiding after that happened, so they’re laying low. At least that is how we explained their disappearance.”

“I sent the messages that you and Shiba-san drafted,” Kaito reported. The messages had been in Russian and had been full of what looked like some kind of code. Kaito had been unable to figure it out but he had trusted in the other pairs’ abilities and judgement.

“Call us by our given names. I think we should be at that point by now.” Souma offered with a smile. “So, just Souma is fine.”

“Shuusuke.” Shuusuke nodded.

“Please call me Mamoru then.” Mamoru extended his hand.

Shuusuke smiled. “You’re a man who follows patterns, I see. You should break that habit once you go back out there that is.” He shook the other’s hand.

Mamoru blinked. Apparently he had noticed the sense of déjà-vu lingering over the whole situation. “Wait, but wasn’t it Go- Souma who-”

That had Kamikita look up as well. “Don’t tell me-”

“That was me.” Shuusuke pushed his glasses up as he let go of Mamoru’s hand again. “The report you got about me returning to Japan was true. I did return to Japan. Souma was the one who didn’t. We were also in touch before you told me about well, Shuusuke coming back to Japan and to meet up while we had the chance.”

“I had been back before, around the time when the Mamiya incident happened. Shiikura called me in to help with a mission.” Souma crossed his arms. “After that I tacked myself to Hanged Man and The Tower until they went back to Japan. Since I knew Shuusuke was headed that way anyway and I knew the two of them would be suspicious of me if anything happened to them back in Japan, we decided to distract them a bit.”

And it had been good to take that precaution. In the aftermath of the Tsutsumi Takaya incident, the North had definitely sent people to look for him or track his movements. 

“Even I didn’t notice.” Kamikita looked at the pair.

“You were not supposed to.” Souma chuckled. “Fool your friends first before you fool your enemy. I guess it worked. Even Ichijima didn’t notice.”

It hadn’t even been perfect. There had been a few slip ups but nobody seemed to have noticed them, which had worked in Souma and Shuusuke’s favor.

During the stint with Mamiya and Ariga, Souma had met Kagami or at least observed him a few times. And he had known or at least sensed that the other would be paired up with Kagami in the aftermath of the whole mess. He had also known that Mamiya had been killed.

Shuusuke, disguised as him, had talked to Kamikita about a few of those things as if he had not been there - which he really hadn’t. Kamikita had probably not noticed because Souma had been talking and reporting to Shiikura instead, so detailed information about their interactions had not been given to anyone else. Souma knew Shiikura was far from being generous when it came to giving things to SAKURA. Especially information.

Mamoru seemed speechless. Souma could guess the other’s thoughts.

“Don’t worry. This might seem like a gap in abilities but it really isn’t. You and then you and Kaito have something you are much better at than we are for sure. All SAKURA have something like that. Something they’re good at, better than anyone else. Every pair of Messiah has their own way of doing things.” He reassured the other pair. Then he looked at his watch. “It’s time.”

“Time? Kaito blinked.

“Just as we get to first-name basis, it’s time for us to part ways. We’re heading off again. And I’m sure orders for you two will come soon as well.” Shuusuke adjusted his glasses.

“Congratulations on clearing the first stage of your graduation mission, Kaito. We’ll be in touch, the squads are still in place, so whenever a joint mission comes up again, I’m sure we’ll see each other.” Souma patted the slender male on the shoulder gently.

“You’ll be briefed by vice-commander Kamikita. And then I guess Commander Ichijima will handle the rest. We need to be off. We’ve idled here for too long.”

“You will follow us before long. So, see you around.”

They said their farewells and then Souma and Shuusuke left. On their way out and away from the building, they left a trail of blood. It would be dealt with later by whichever side got there first.

Souma looked at his gun before he put it back in the holster again. Ah, the sense of déjà-vu.

Killing had not gotten easier with practice or with experience. The gun still weighed heavy in his hand. Despite everything he said and did, it still took a lot out of his soul to pull the trigger and to end a life. He hoped that this would stay that way. If it ever changed he was sure that he would definitely no longer be able to answer the question about his humanity any longer.

Without lying.

 

~*~

 

Back in the SAKURA facility, Kamikita was about to start the debriefing meeting with Mamoru and Kaito when the door was thrown open and Dr. THREE barged into the briefing room, looking alarmed. “Kamikita, both our guests down there are dead.”

“What? How is that possible? The poison capsules they had were removed. They could not have committed suicide. And even then, why now?” Kamikita was on his feet immediately.

“It wasn’t suicide. Somebody killed them. Emperor was clean, straight through the head. He must have been dead immediately. Justice was a slow one, he bled to death.” Dr. THREE reported with a serious face. “And whoever did it left a note that if we do not want to become swiss cheese by the hands of the North, we should get out of here ASAP.”

“Say that FIRST, will you? Everyone, vacate this facility NOW!” Kamikita barked orders.

On the way to the Church - all of them were going back separately in order not to become too easy targets - he contacted Ichijima. His Messiah sounded half amused and half furious.

“Such insolence. As expected of the likes of Gojou Souma and Shiba Shuusuke. Although I must say that they have gotten more daring with time.” Ichijima made a sound that sounded like a mixture of a frustrated sigh and pained laugh. Then his voice turned serious. “It’s a message from them to us. The North set us up. They wanted to leak this information to us for a reason. In our world, there are only two possible reasons for doing something like that. To set a trap or to distract people from what is really going on. So the question is, what is really going on?”

“Unfortunately, they did not tell us about that.” Kamikita rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Also, one of the teams just confirmed several dead Gs around the facility.”

“It was a close call then. We got too distracted. Report the moment you get back here, Ryuji. We have fallen a step behind. We need to get back ahead as soon as we can.”

“I’m on my way, Haruumi.” Kamikita looked into the rearview mirror. “But I’m afraid it’ll take some more time. I’ve got company, so I’ll have to end the call here for now.”

“Don’t die.”

“If I do, you and Momose can avenge me.”

“Your jokes are the worst, Ryuji.” Then his tone of voice changed abruptly. “Have I gotten soft? After not working in the field for so long?”

“It’s just the way history works. An old model is bound to be replaced by a newer one. A new generation will overtake the old one. This is only natural.” Kamikita commented. “And you knew that when you took him in, didn’t you? You felt it. You felt that there was something about him that other people had not been able to see.”

“Stop talking and focus on getting back here already.”

“Slave driver.” Kamikita chuckled and finally ended the call.

 

~*~

 

Mamoru and Kaito made it back to the Church without incidences and were greeted by Hayashi, who let them pass through to the hidden entrance. The latest disguise of it was a flower shop by a shrine that had a graveyard connected to it. Thus people going into the flower shop did not have to come out of the flower shop again and vice versa, as there were two doors, one up front and one that led into the shrine and through the shrine into the graveyard.

In Mamoru’s opinion it was probably the least suspicious hidden entrance so far. It as better than the one they had used during their training days, which had been hidden in an alleyway. And it was definitely better than the bathhouse. It showed that Yaegashi and Hayashi, too, had gotten more careful and more cautious.

Kuroko greeted them when they arrived in the rooms hidden underground. “Welcome back.”

“Did everyone else get back already?”

“No, we’re still missing a few people. So go and take it easy? Same room you used before. You’ll be summoned when you’re needed.”

When Mamoru followed Kaito into the room, it seemed like so long ago that they had been here and yet it had merely been a couple of weeks if not days at most. He had lost track of time. As he looked a the other’s back, he remembered the very first night he had spent in this room. It had been when they had been reunited. When Kaito had come back to him.

“Mamoru?” Kaito sounded surprised and confused when he suddenly found arms around him and found himself on the receiving end of a fierce hug.

“Sorry, I just,” Mamoru pulled away again slowly. “Just needed to-”

A finger on his lips stopped him from continuing. Kaito had turned around when Mamoru’s arms had loosened around him. The other cupped Mamoru’s face with his hands - his bare hands.

“It’s okay. Sometimes even I feel like I have to make sure again, too. It’ll take time.”

“Oh Kaito,” Mamoru leaned in for a kiss. It was the first time in a while that they exchanged something more intimate. Lately it had been holding hands or hugs at most, comforting each other and supporting each other. Nothing that would have gone beyond friendship. But they were more than friends. They were more than lovers as well.

They were Messiah.

Both of them touched each other on the most intimate level possible. Their souls touched each other, they were connected by more than just their physical bodies or emotions. It was a level not every human could reach.

It had been almost strange to see another couple who seemed to have reached a level of connectedness that seemed so close to theirs. Mamoru wondered whether that had also had something to do with the squad assignments.

It had also been fascinating. He and Kaito had always said of themselves that they were one and the same fragile egg. That they were so deeply intertwined that they were one and the same existence. As such, they could not really tell how the outside world saw them. They were unable to detach themselves from their own existence. So seeing another pair like themselves had been a real eye opener. Although Souma and Shuusuke had a distinct trait of their own. Instead of being enclosed by a protective shell and thus their own little world like Kaito and Mamoru, they were simply one and the same being. The lines between them would blur so strongly sometimes that it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other began.

Kaito was Kaito and Mamoru was Mamoru. They were themselves, they were still two parts that made a whole. Whereas Souma and Shuusuke were simply one.

Apart from being something to be deeply admired it was also something to be acquired or reached. Something to aim for. Mamoru wondered whether he and Kaito would get to that level some day. Something told him that that time would come. Sooner or later.

Right now though, was not that time. Right now they just wanted to take comfort in simpler human pleasures. Right now was the time for that, the time when they could do just that.

Shoving the other onto the bed, Mamoru climbed over Kaito. Fabric gave way under his hands easily and then his mouth followed, attacking the skin his fingers revealed little by little. Kaito whimpered softly in protest at first - what if they were summoned, they could be called out any second now - but they died down soon, replaced by little sounds of pleasure, of want.

These sounds were only meant for him.

Mamoru tugged his shirt over his head. “Let’s just hope that people take their time.”

 

~*~

 

And people took their time. Mamoru and Kaito had slept, showered and eaten something by the time Kuroko came to summon them to the fancy new meeting room.

While the debriefing took place at the Church and a few people were present in person, more people were listening via secure connection. Mamoru and Kaito were happy to see the names or faces of a few people on the screens, like Ariga and Kagami as well as Haku and Eiri.

“We heard about the incident at the SAKURA facility. It would certainly explain why some operatives were sent to Japan recently and we noticed a mobilization of forces in the New Tokyo Area. It’s good to see all of you safe and sound,” Haku took a sip from the Nanny carton in his hand. “Did the cleanup teams find anything of interest?”

“I’m afraid the other side was faster than we were. We were focused on evacuation first and foremost.” Ichijima sighed. “Were you able to trace back communications, Mitsumi-kun?”

Haku shook his head. “Unfortunately it went beyond the levels we were able to penetrate so far. I think Souma might be the one closest to getting there. If we’re lucky he might have information by the time he sends his next mission report.”

“We’ll have Yuuri-kun back you up as soon as he is available.”

Yuuri nodded towards Ichijima and then bowed towards the monitor.

“Yuuri,” Ariga’s voice could be heard from on the other screens. “It’s good to have you back.”

“We still don’t get exactly how you did it but yeah, welcome back.” That one was Kagami, from yet another screen. Even without seeing his face, everybody could hear that Kagami was most likely talking around a lollipop by the way his voice sounded.

Ichijima straightened up. “That is a good keyword. Some of what you will year in this debriefing, if not most, will be connected to what happened to Yuuri-kun.”

Everyone in the room - and outside - tensed at those words. Things were getting serious now.

“Well, I’ll let this speak for itself.” A small window popped up on the screens and then took over one of the bigger screens in the room that had remained dark until now. It was a video.

Souma’s face appeared in front of the camera. “Listen and listen well because the data for this video will destroy itself once you have played it once. Nice, right? Just like in the cliche spy movies of the old days.” The joking tone completely vanished from Souma’s voice the next moment. “This is what we have been able to piece together so far.” His expression was grim and serious. “People do not end up in SAKURA by accident for the most part - we knew that. What we didn’t know was that the majority were meant to become SAKURA a long time ago.”

Data popped up on the screen and Souma’s voice continued in the background. “The government had done widespread testing and experiments without anyone’s knowledge. It goes without saying that it was human testing. Everything had been camouflaged as routine examinations or treatments during pregnancy. When it was time, the government or SAKURA would simply go to pick up the chosen ones. Or so the initial plan.”

Shuusuke’s voice could be heard next. It was unmistakably his cool and analytical court-room voice. “Kumoi Ren was not the only one who betrayed the government. Another member of the research team ran off and destroyed the data concerning the test subjects. So the government was left to scramble for all information they could still get. Tracking down people thus took a lot longer than planned. At the same time, some of the information about the project had also been leaked to the Northern Alliance, prompting them to look for the children as well and recruit them into their ranks. Or just take them by force, whatever seemed easier to them.”

“Project Name: Auserkoren. It means ‘chosen’.” Souma spoke up again. “Shiikura’s new organization ‘Kinder’ or ‘children’ was actually inspired by that. And some of the members are some of the chosen ones. He bargained with Ichijima for some. Isn’t that right, Commander Ichijima?” There was no reaction from Ichijima. “Ironically, the member of the research team who ran away with all the information was none other than Shiikura’s own wife. And the mother of his two children. Children, who had been part of the experiments because hey, which parents could say no to having potential ‘super children’.”

Eiri could be seen frowning. “Misu.”

“Some of the things that had been done to the children were more ‘extreme’ than others. It started with superior intellect to superior strength, endurance or resistance to disease. Normal things, desirable things, which is why they went under the radar. But of course people started to take those adjustments and push them towards extremes.” The data finished scrolling and now both Shuusuke and Souma appeared in front of the camera.

“You might have figured out Misu but the list we got is longer and you might recognize a few names on it. As you might have guessed, Shuusuke and I were on that list, too. And so were you.” Souma seemed to be looking at each of them. “Taking things to the extreme. That’s how someone like Eiri or Haku and his brother Mitsumi Sou came to be. Others were more by design. Misu Kimitoshi, Amane Yasuchika, Amane Nguyen Shogo, Tsutsumi Reiji. Following them are Shirasaki Mamoru, Ariga Ryou and most likely Salyut, Souk and to a certain extent Kagami Itsuki. Although the records we found about you - so far - only show modifications after your birth, done by Kumoi Ren. That chip in your head being the procedure with a set of data that was recovered in the best state so far.”

Shuusuke continued, “The research still continues. That’s what SAKURA’s research division is responsible for. Sustaining injuries that would normally be fatal and yet being able to recover. At an amazing speed and rate. If this ability could be harvested somehow, passed on, it would become an incredible asset. And well, we have seen it work in its first human subject test. This ability has now also been granted to Yuuri Kaito. To a certain degree he already possessed it, so he cannot be considered a normal test subject. You know, Kaito, not everybody who underwent the Necromancer procedure - needless to say in a potentially mortally wounded state - survived it. That is to say, you are the only one who survived it.”

Mamoru reached for Kaito’s hand to hold it, he could see the other turning white. He felt something unpleasant settle in the pit of his stomach as well upon hearing those words.

“We were not able to identify all the researchers involved in this project yet but some we were able to were the Mamiya couple, Shiikura and Misu’s mother, Kumoi Ren, some members of the Council under Tsutsumi Takaya. SAKURA, with a handful of its scientific department. And then two Northern Union executives. Codename Emperor. Real name: Yuuri Yamato. And a second one, who got caught in a fray with a rival organization and was killed in the process. Codename Empress. Emperor’s partner. Real name: Shirasaki Minami.”

A picture appeared on the screen. The picture of a woman in a lab coat.

“I remember her face.” Ariga’s voice could be heard. It sounded a little strained. “It was me who shot her. Straight through the head. I remember that Third Nigma received a lot of mone for it.”

Souma looked straight at the camera. “That is all we know so far. We leave the rest to you, Commander Ichijima.” The picture disappeared and then an error message appeared on the screen that the data had become corrupted and was no longer playable.

Ichijima closed his eyes. “Some families were unaware of the experiments. Like Shiba’s and Gojou’s. Also Kaidou’s family was not actually aware but were caught in the crossfire when things overlapped with his father’s work. Other families were actively part of things. Amane’s mother became a test subject after giving birth to her child. Mitsumi’s mother as well - a drug testing one. Ariga’s biological father signed himself over to the Northern Union as well. He might be among the Gs somewhere still or he might have been among those already fallen. There is no further data on him. We were only able to find out about his connection to Ariga by matching genetic data from DNA analysis that was saved somewhere in these files.” He then addressed the monitor with Ariga’s name on it. “Your biological mother’s whereabouts are unknown.”

Mamoru interrupted Ichijima. “He said Shirasaki and Yuuri? Does that mean-”

“The DNA analysis did not yield any matches. You might have merely been given their names because, in a way, they were your parents. Your actual origins are unknown.”

Kaito made a strangled sound. “I was meant to become part of the Necromancer. They had planned it right from the start. I was meant to become a support system for you.” He held his head. “The words just now triggered a memory. Someone else’s memory inside my head. I was never meant to be a human being. I was meant to be a machine.”

“But humans can’t be machines. And they won’t be. You are proof of that. We are. And we are going to proof that they were wrong. We won’t do as they please.” Mamoru tried to calm his Messiah down again. “You are not a machine. You are human, Kaito. I know you are.”

Maybe it was because they wanted to distract them, or maybe it was because time was a scarce resource but Haku and Eiri chose that moment to start their report. “This will be of essence to the rest of your for your next missions. As you all know, SAKURA and the Northern Alliance are like mirror images. SAKURA has the Church, the Northern Alliance has Voskhod. SAKURA wants peace, the North wants war.” Eiri looked at them.

Haku put down his Nanny carton. “The higher ranked spies in the Northern Alliance, who are involved with Voskhod, are named after Tarot cards. So far, we’ve had Hanged Man, The Tower, Justice and the Emperor and Empress.” Said cards appeared on the screen.

“This leaves us with, the Magician and High Priestess in the same category as Emperor and Empress.” The two cards joined the ones already on the screen.

Then a new row appeared. “The Hierophant, the Lovers, the Chariot and Strength are an unknown group as of yet.”

Another category appeared below that one. “The Hermit and the Wheel of Fortune would complete a set with Hanged Man and Justice, who are spies that are more about brains than about physical strength. Which means that the same members in a group as The Tower would be the opposite and stand for the more physical combat side. Our intel has found out that they seem to be the hitmen or assassins of the Northern Union. So apart from The Tower, there are Death, Temperance and The Devil.” The cards were shuffled slightly.

Eiri cut in there. “We’re assuming that the ‘The World’ card represents their whole organizational structure and is not assigned to a spy. So that leaves a last group which we know nothing about. The Star, The Moon, The Sun and Judgement.”

“Don’t forget The Fool. The most powerful card in the tarot. He might fool you into thinking he is weak but he is the one most shrouded in mystery. He is like a blank slate. He could be anything.” Haku added there and the card appeared on the screen, revolving slowly around itself. It seemed like an eerie kind of movement, foreboding and dangerous. “We assume that he is the North’s second in command, or the man who really controls everything from the shadows. Kaminsky’s right-hand man, Egor Ginzburg. Or whatever alias he might be using now.”

“We still do not have any information on what he looks like now or whether or not he still exists or whether he is but a legend. If he is indeed still around, he could very well be anybody. He is the most elusive figure of the North.” Haku sighed. “The only thing we have been able to find out so far is that he has German and Russian roots and he was based in Europe before he moved to the North’s headquarters at some point to establish the Northern Alliance with Kaminsky.”

Both Haku and Eiri looked up then.

“End of report.”

Ichijima nodded. “Well done. All of you.” He straightened up and turned around to address the rest of the room. “Before we end this, there is something we would like to announce.” A small smirk tugged up the corner of his lips. “SAKURA hasn’t just been sitting and waiting. The scientific department has developed a few things to help our field agents.”

Yaegashi and Hayashi brought in a few cases and opened them so that everyone could see the contents. “Anti Specter Ammunition. The bullets explode upon impact. It’ll save you both time and bullets if you know how to use them well. Kaidou, Ariga, you will receive these ASAP.”

Kagami commented - sounding a little sceptical, “That sounds terribly messy. Like in a zombie game. You just blow off their heads and they die?”

“Drastic times call for drastic measures. Now, you are dismissed until further notice. Please continue with your missions as usual, until you hear otherwise.”

The monitors disconnected one after another, leaving only Kaito and Mamoru. Ichijima stopped them before they could go anywhere though. Mamoru had known that Ichijima always had the worst possible timing for things. Frankly, it did not surprise him when the other called him and Kaito over after the debriefing to announce something to them, to give them new orders.

“We will start the final phase of Yuuri-kun’s graduation mission.”

He did not feel well about letting Kaito go on a mission in his current state of emotions but he knew it was beyond useless to argue with Ichijima.

They saluted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Egor Ginzburg is only one way of romanizing the name, it got also be Igor Ginzburg
> 
> Also, yes there were a lot of things I threw at you and our Messiah boys in this chapter that have so far not been commented on but I assure you things will come back to haunt you at some point ;)


	8. Loss

The second stage of the graduation mission had them separated. They moved to stay in different rooms as was customary. It felt strange to Mamoru because he had already spent a considerable amount of time without the other but well, rules were rules.

He was surprised to have Ichijima come to him personally not even an hour after he had moved to one of the smaller rooms - he did not have much to bring, so moving had not taken all that long. Separating from Kaito had been the hardest part but his Messiah had been strong and had reassured him, telling him that things would be alright, that they would be together again in no time. Mamoru knew that Kaito would do his best to complete the mission.

“Shirasaki, as much as I would like to grant you some downtime, we have all idled enough and I am afraid I will have to ask you to go back to your previous mission assignment as soon as you possibly can. As for Yuuri Kaito, he will have his own mission to deal with. Do not worry for him in your absence though. I know you might not trust me with this, for good reasons. So you are allowed to communicate with him but only for ten minutes each day and only if it does not put you in any significant danger.” Ichijima announced.

Mamoru had thought as much. SAKURA was always shorthanded. “Please take care of him.” Then he glared at the other. “If anything happens to him, something unfortunate might happen to you. Something painful. And unfortunate.”

“You have my word. I will not let anything happen to him. And if that is not enough, I am afraid that someone very close to you would get very, very mad at me if I did not do my job well.” Ichijima pulled out an envelope. “You will meet up with a few familiar faces when you go. So it won’t all be unpleasant.”

Looking at the SAKURA commander, Mamoru could not shake off the feeling that the other had changed. Well, a lot of things had happened ever since he had left the CHURCH and while he had heard about some of them, he had not heard the full stories behind most things yet. He hoped to get some information on that sooner or later.

He still held a deep distrust towards the other but he was willing to put it aside. For now.

“Mission Start.”

The mission had him up north again as well. The night was freezing cold and clear. Moving around in the shadows had become a second nature to him, though, so maneuvering the dark streets of the town was something he could have done in his sleep as well. It was a sleepy town miles away from any major cities and major Northern Alliance structures. But maybe that was the reason why it had been chosen for this illustrious meeting.

Members of the strategic division of the Northern Alliance were currently gathering at a restaurant for a meeting. Mamoru’s mission was to get any intel he could from it.

Waiting in an alley, he soon saw his first target approaching. An older male who had been hired as a waiter at the restaurant. Mamoru managed to knock him out cold easily enough and after leaving the other in a secure location, donned a mask - Haku’s teachings were coming in handy quite a lot - and took the other’s place.

The dinner went over without a hitch. Mamoru planted bugs to record as much of the conversations as possible. Getting the information out would be a bit more challenging but he was prepared. Plus, he had been told that he’d have backup.

Even with regular people, personnel, the Northern Union seemed to be strict. They did it subtly, masking the check for leaked information as a check whether or not anyone had stolen any food or valuables from the restaurant. A few of the kitchen staff looked like they were from less fortunate circumstances, probably picked on purpose. In the end all of them were handed bags with food as a reward as well as some money. Mamoru’s keen nose picked up a scent and he suddenly felt sick to the stomach when he realized what was going to happen.

None of the people present would survive for long. The food was poisoned. He’d have to find the guy he’d knocked out earlier again and ‘send him off’ as well. Mamoru hated to kill innocent people for the sake of his missions but he knew it couldn’t be helped.

Leaving and walking out into the cold night, Mamoru made his way back to the house he had left his first target in. The guy was still out cold. Good. Death would at least be painless then.

He just prayed he would have enough time. People were sure to have followed him to check on him. He needed to work fast. So he forced some of the food and drink down the guy’s throat. The other would either die from the poison or suffocation. Dead was dead.

Suddenly he heard voices. Shit. He had not been able to be fast enough.

He worked frantically to remove all traces of himself, of a third party. Another voice. Someone was keeping the goons from coming in. It was his backup. They were buying him time. Good!

Checking the pulse of the guy, Mamoru noted that it was gone. The guy was dead.

Sending his thoughts to the innocent man’s soul, Mamoru slipped out of the room unseen but stayed close enough to make sure the goons went inside and were satisfied with what they saw.

He could overhear their conversation.

“He’d been looking hungry all dinner.”

“Well, it was probably the best food he’s ever seen in his life.”

“And the last.”

“We gave him his last supper.”

“I can still smell all the food on him.”

“What do you expect? He only just left.”

“Put a gun in his hand and shoot his head with it. His story is that because his wife left him he’s been depressed lately and amassed a gambling debt. So to escape it all, he killed himself.”

“Yes’sir.”

Everything seemed to have gone over without a hitch. Nobody seemed to suspect something. He had chosen his job at the dinner with great care. He had not spent a lot of time in the dining room, so that should have made him less suspicious than some of the waiters who had been present for the whole thing. It also showed in the fact that the goons who had gone after him had been of regular rank. There had been a couple of Voskhod executives. Those would be a lot more thorough. And they might be back here just to double check as well. So he couldn’t abandon his post just yet. Until he could make sure that he had a safe escape route.

So Mamoru made his way over to a room from where he could safely watch the apartment as well as a couple of other things in the surrounding area. This was where his backup was supposed to wait for him as well. When he saw the other, he relaxed a little.

“Ariga!”

“Shirasaki. It’s been a while.”

They bumped fists. Mamoru could feel a sense of ease and relief settle inside of him. If the other was his backup then there was nothing to fear.

“Lots has happened.”

“Yeah.”

“Care to catch me up? It looks like we’ll be stuck here for a while.”

“Catch me up, too, if we have the time? I have questions as well.” But then Mamoru smiled, “I will answer your questions first, though because I know which they might be. You saw Kaito, didn’t you? When we briefly ran into you some time ago?” It had been during the joint mission with Souma and Shuusuke to retrieve Emperor and Justice. It all seemed so long ago but in reality not that much time had passed since.

He had heard from Kuroko that Ariga and Kagami had returned to the CHURCH soon after that as well - it had been while they had been at the other facility so they had not gotten in touch and Ariga and Kagami had been dispatched again almost immediately. They had been sort of communicating with each other but they had not actually been able to talk much. Needless to say see each other for more than a few brief moments.

“I did. How, Shirasaki? He’s, he’s alive?”

Mamoru laughed softly. “How you ask, I am not entirely sure how it happened either. Imagine the look on my face when I came back to the CHURCH and saw him. Like that.”

“I can only imagine how you must have felt.”

“But he’s back now. And he’s about to complete his own graduation mission. With me. Even though we are apart, we’re doing it together.” Mamoru smiled fondly. “We’ve been through a lot these past couple of weeks but we’ll be okay.” He looked wistful. “Him getting his body back was the best birthday present I ever received in my life.”

Ariga sighed. “That Ichijima. I can never tell what the hell he is thinking. They kept his body?”

“I’m the last person on this planet you should ask about what goes on in his head. I think nobody knows. Which is a good thing, probably. Considering the job he has.”

“Speaking of graduation mission, Itsuki didn’t tell me everything but we owe you some thanks, don’t we? I heard Yuuri helped Itsuki overcome that chip in his head.”

Mamoru smiled. “We help each other out.” He patted Ariga on the shoulder. “I’m glad you guys were okay. Graduation missions have a tendency to bring you to the brink of death.” Then his smile turned even warmer. “Kaito told me he and Itsuki figured things out together. Kaito used the chip in Kagami’s brain to rewire it as much as he could in order to preserve as many memories as possible, so that things would be fine after the surgery.”

Ariga frowned. “Is that what he meant when he said that the way he used to be and the way he still is was largely thanks to Cheka?”

“Cheka was a genius. Kaito said that the chip and everything is pretty complex stuff. Things that mess with the brain are never easy. Kaito said that he did not do much. He could only do so much. The rest had all been up to Kagami. And he came through because, well, because of you. His feelings were strong enough to turn but 1% into 100.”

“Yuuri keeps saying he owes me for what happened with Mamiya but he’s more than made up for that,” Ariga closed his eyes. “Please tell him that when you see him next time.”

“You should just tell him yourself. I think he would be happy to hear your words. Coming from your own mouth that is,” Mamoru smiled.

Ariga smiled. “I do hope that I will get that opportunity.”

“You will.”

“Quiet, I see movement,” Ariga looked out of the window. “Voskhod.”

~*~

Back at the Church, Kaito settled into his new room as well but while Mamoru was sent out for his mission, in Kaito’s case, his room became somewhat of a prison cell for him. It was the complete opposite of his Messiah, one roaming free and one getting locked in. Ichijima told him that his mission was to stay inside and still be useful to SAKURA without having access to any electronics or the internet. Only four walls, a bed, a bathroom. It was just like being in a prison. He would only be granted a short window of contact with the outside world - whenever Mamoru wanted to check on him or talk to him.

It was ironic in a sense because this was reminiscent of how Kaito had lived before joining SAKURA. Shut into a room with only a computer as a door to the outside world. He had lived in a world he had created in his head. Only with Mamoru to talk to through some kind of barrier and only for limited amounts of time per day. 

Maybe this was one of the reasons why this mission had been chosen for him. Coming to terms with his past also meant to come to terms with himself. He had also lived in isolation before, in a world where nobody else had existed, where nobody else had been able to go. The digital world, the data world. The realm beyond humanity.

He had accepted the world now. The world he, the world they lived in and the world in which Haruto had died. He had come to accept it in all of its ugliness and yet beauty. He had also made a promise with Mamoru. He was resolved and determined. So he would be able to make it through this without too much of a hitch.

Or so he had thought. Things turned out to be a lot more difficult than that. It was like going through withdrawal. Kaito found himself displaying something akin to drug withdrawal reactions. It was an emotional rollercoaster ride. One moment he was okay and the next moment he was shaking as he tried to suppress the feeling of wanting to talk to somebody, to communicate, to let his fingers touch a keyboard and see familiar numbers flashing in front of his eyes.

He would pace around the room and then he would have to stop himself from inflicting harm on himself or from destroying any of the things in the room. Destruction was not going to help. It was the wrong way. Kaito was glad that he had that much control over himself still.

What kept him sane and grounded through all of it was the thought of Mamoru. He couldn’t jeopardize things because he had to clear this for the other as well.

Talking to the other - even if only for brief moments - helped.

It was not a weakness to rely on and trust in his partner. It was because they were not alone that they were strong. He was never really alone. Mamoru would always be with him, just like he would always be with the other.

In the end Kaito managed to pull himself together and then used the time wisely. 

He used his newly discovered memory access to sort through his past memories. Of course there were painful memories as well but he knew he had to get past them in order to move on. So he forced himself to recall things - good and bad. And within the memories, he found information that he had previously overlooked or simply not realized. Not realized at that point. And he might never have come across this if it wasn’t for his new ability. Kaito could only see things in his memories clearly now because he had the ability to look at them from a different perspective. And to look at them again and again in order to analyze them.

Most of what he remembered were names and faces, locations.

Some things saddened him - like the fact that some of the kids at the orphanage they had grown up at had met fates worse than them. Looking at them again, he realized that he had seen them recently. Not in their original form from his memories of course but years older.

There were always faces behind the masks of the Specters or Gs. And sometimes those faces just happened to be familiar ones. Kaito sent prayers to whatever god would listen to him, to guide their souls to a nice place. And maybe to forgive them for what they had done under the influence of the North.

Of course there were happy memories as well. Happy or maybe bitter-sweet. Most were of Mamoru. And there was one that startled Kaito a little bit. A memory that had been buried under so many others that he had almost forgotten it.

They had still been in high school - just before Haruto’s death. Haruto had been on some kind of classroom duty, so Kaito and Mamoru had waited for him to go home together.

And there, behind some of the school buildings, shielded from the view of others, Mamoru had stolen his first kiss. And Kaito had let him, had fluttered his eyes closed and returned it.

It had been the moment when they had gone from being ‘friends’ to being more. They had been close before, closer than anyone else but even then, there had been another level for them to go up to. And they had taken the first step up that day to become completely entwined.

To become one.

Sitting still or lying on the bed and sorting through his memories wasn’t all that Kaito did, though. In order for his body’s condition not to deteriorate during his imprisonment he used his newly gained combat abilities to go through some training, fighting invisible opponents and strengthening his muscles as well as going through battle simulations he drew up in his mind.

Kaito had never been good at things that required physical strength or stamina. It had been one of the weaknesses he had always been very frustrated about ever since becoming a SAKURA cadet. Of course he had been able to make do, he had gradually become strong enough to be able to hold his own most of the time. But he had never quite gotten strong enough.

Borrowing Specter bodies during his time as a ‘program’ had been but a lie - he had been invincible, he had been able to draw out more strength out of a body that might not have possessed it otherwise. But now things were different again.

He thought back and remembered fighting Hanged Man. He also remembered fighting other Northern Alliance members before and almost losing if it hadn’t been for other people helping him. And then he remembered fighting Cheka. And losing.

Sweat was dripping down his forehead as Kaito continued the push-ups he had been doing. He would never let something like that happen ever again. He would definitely become someone Mamoru could leave to his own devices with a peace of mind. Kaito wouldn’t unnecessarily worry his Messiah ever again. He swore that to himself. And he had promised that to Mamoru himself back on the day when they had both become SAKURA cadets.

Kaito had promised to become someone who was able to protect and not just someone who needed to be protected.

During one of his physical training routines, the door to his room suddenly clicked open. Kaito crouched down and moved to a position that would not be easily targeted if someone came inside, someone who did not have his best intentions in mind. His instincts telling him to be wary. He waited but nobody came in. So that meant he was to come out.

Making sure his clothes and gear were all in place - he had no weapon on him - he made his way out of the room. He noticed after a few steps that the corridors had been modified to lead him to a certain place. The simulation room. This was the next stage of the mission?

Well, there was only one way to find out.

Pulling his scarf over his face, Kaito turned off the lights in his room and then cautiously proceeded forward. Who knows, the Church might have come under attack and the system locking his room had been disabled by accident for all he knew.

~*~

“The last two of your charges are about to leave. And I think it’s a good thing because you don’t seem to have taught them very well.” Ichijima looked at the other person, who was still hidden in the shadows of the room. But they hadn’t really tried to hide their presence.

The other chuckled. “Whatever you say.”

Heavy footsteps could be heard and a figure emerged from the shadows and stepped into the light. “A lot has happened. Let’s recap and sort through things, shall we?” Even without Ichijima’s permission, he was going to continue, so there was no answer. “You were clinging to hope. How rare of you and yet I am not surprised at all.” Kamikita walked further into the Commander’s Room at the new Church. “That’s why you told them to keep the body alive. That’s why you sent them through hell to save it even though it was practically dead.”

“It had the desired results.” Ichijima retorted. “And it was not hope. Hope is too fickle of a concept for something like this.” He looked at Kamikita. “I believed. Just like I had before. Or Hinamori-kun would no longer be walking among us either.”

Quieter, he added, “Just like I believed in how you would come to find me in the Northern Alliance headquarters when they destroyed my leg.” He looked up. “Just like how I believed in you when you pretended to be dead for an entire year. Just like I still believe in you. And me. And what exists between us. It as a Messiah’s duty to believe. Most of all, into their Messiah. To believe and trust. Unconditionally.”

Kamikita chuckled softly. “What would your cadets say if they heard you talking like this?”

“Some things are only meant for your ears and yours alone. You alone, I trust.” Ichijima pushed up his glasses. “And let’s be honest, the cadets could learn from this. Unlike from the things you’ve been doing. The things you’ve been telling them. You are a most terrible teacher. I will never have you around again if I can help it.”

“You were very clear about that on the phone. But I still stand with my views.” Kamikita smiled.

Rolling his eyes, Ichijima remarked, “I knew you would say that.”

Kamikita chuckled softly again. “And I knew that you knew. I also know that despite your outrage, you think my ways aren’t completely wrong. Relying too much on one single view is dangerous after all. They need to be taught about all options and will have to make choices and decisions by themselves.”

“They need to learn how to make the right choices.” Ichijima insisted.

“Right or wrong depends on the point of view.” Kamikita threw in.

“We’ll see if Kuroko turns out to be a better mentor for them,” Kamikita mused. Then he added, “I am sure that Momose also has many things to teach them. Maybe about as many things as Kuroko. They will be a good influence on the new cadets.”

“Here’s hoping.” Ichijima sighed.

“Speaking of. Kuroko used to say that Shiba and Gojou reminded him of us. Saying how Shiba’s calm and collected way of thinking and strategical analysis reminded him of a certain someone. A certain someone who could also show weakness sometimes or have a weird sense of humor. And he said Gojou was just like another person he knew, more emotional and focused on the human aspects of people and yet also deadly calm when times called for it.” Kamikita mused. “I think he has his impressions backwards though. Partially. Shiba is the one watching from the sidelines as his partner matures into a spy of unknown and unprecedented potential.”

Ichijima closed his eyes and decided to say nothing. He knew Kamikita wasn’t finished.

“Gojou will surpass you. Just like Ariga did.” Kamikita looked at his Messiah. “And they will go where you were no longer able to, Haruumi. They will be your legacy.”

“I believe they will.”

Kamikita laughed when the conversation turned around into another circle. He settled on the edge of Ichijima’s chair. “You truly are a man of strong believes.”

~*~

One of his opponents had a very rounded fighting style. Kaito deducted that the other had quite a lot of combat experience. There were some excess movements, though, as if the other was playing around and not being completely serious. But it was all a trap. Once the opponent lowered his guard, the trap would snap shut and all excess movements would disappear, replaced by a very efficient and effective and almost flawless fighting technique.

The other half of the pair was less experienced but clearly well studied. The way the other moved reminded Kaito a little bit of himself. A little bit too much ‘by the book’. Not a natural fighter but someone who knew how to observe and analyze.

It hadn’t taken Kaito long to figure out that he was up against SAKURA cadets. Not that the coats were a dead giveaway but also the way the two worked. The partnership had to be relatively new still but they had established a couple of patterns between the two of them. But patterns were patterns, they were not complete trust. And thus could be broken.

Even when he was outnumbered and his weapon had run low on bullets - he had had a gun with him in the prison room but he did not have any more ammunition - one could not detect any feeling of ‘disadvantage’ on his end. On the contrary, he was dominating the pair.

He focused on disabling the more seasoned fighter first. Dealing with the other one was only a matter of time afterwards. He used the move that Shuusuke had used on him up North and then brought a second gun into his possession to recreate the situation in the apartment with himself, Mamoru, Shuusuke and Souma but in the reverse.

“I guess I win.”

Kaito blinked when he heard the simulation room’s ‘end’ signal going off - there had been no mode set when he had entered early except for the safety one, so that nobody would accidentally die. There had certainly been no time limit or end set. Somebody had manually ended this session in time with his victory. 

His two opponents slumped down onto the ground, trying to catch their breath again.

“Aah, having had a long blank sucks.” Hinamori pulled off his gloves. “Unacceptable.”

Kogure was in no shape to talk it seemed.

Straightening up, Kaito pulled down his scarf and looked to the control panel of the room. His eyes widened when he saw a familiar face there. “Mamoru!”

“I am getting a sense of deja-vu here, Kaito. I seem to walk in on you beating up the kouhai a lot.” Mamoru commented and then opened his arms - just in time for Kaito to jump into them. “Oof. Okay, I gather that you are quite happy to see me?”

“Of course I am. I am always happy to see you,” Kaito whispered softly and wrapped his arms around his Messiah. Human contact. Ah, he had been deprived of it once more. And he hadn’t realized just how much he had missed it. How much he needed it. “And you’re back? When did you get back? How much time has even passed?”

He had lost all sense of time in his prison.

“About a week. Give and take a few days.” Mamoru replied. “I got back an hour ago. Just finished my report to Ichijima. Speaking of, he wants to see you. Us. Which is why I went to get you. He said you would probably be down here.”

“Ichijima, huh,” Hinamori looked up. “At least he wasn’t the first face you had to look at when you got out.” He helped Kogure up. “Shoo shoo then.”

“Hinamori,” Kogure looked at his Messiah and then bowed towards Mamoru and Kaito. “Thank you for the ‘lesson’, Yuuri-san. Shirasaki-san.”

“It’s alright.” Mamoru shook his head. “Let’s go, Kaito?”

“Okay.”

They made their way to the commander’s room, where Kuroko and Ichijima were waiting.

Ichijima looked at the pair and then nodded. He addressed Kaito when he spoke, “The reason for this stage of the graduation mission was for both Shirasaki and you to have gone through the trials and tribulation that come with being alone. Shirasaki had to graduate without you before, so you were the one who had never been without him. After being apart and coming back together only to be apart again. You have proven that you both have what it takes to survive out there, be it together or alone.”

Kuroko looked at both of them. “Well then, congratulations. Both of you have now officially and fully graduated from the Church and have become full members of SAKURA.”

Kaito glanced at Mamoru, who looked back at him proudly.

“Rest up as long as you can. Although, I guess I already have a mission for you, Yuuri-kun. The data that Shirasaki-kun brought back needs to be dealt with as soon as possible and nobody here is faster than you are.” Kuroko looked apologetic.

Smiling, Kaito straightened up. “I’ll get on it right away.”

“I’ll join you.” Mamoru offered. And the two went to one of the data rooms.

The way ‘they’ ended up working was not quite orthodox and Kaito had made sure to put a small ‘warning system’ on the door so that nobody would walk in on them.

Mamoru had his hands wrapped around him and had Kaito pulled up against his chest on a large plush couch that was drawn up to a table that had multiple computer screens on it. He was fast asleep, recovering from whatever mission he had just come back from. Kaito was working on decrypting and analyzing the data his Messiah had brought back, all the while being comforted by the other’s presence.

He was briefly interrupted by a message popping up on one of the screens. Kaito unlocked the data package that had come with it after giving it a thorough security check. It was a simple request from either Haku or Eiri. The pair seemed to be on a mission and it seemed urgent, so he worked on that for a moment before going back to the data he had been looking at.

When he was done, he nudged his Messiah awake.

“I’m finished. Should we report to Ichijima immediately?” He asked.

Mamoru yawned and shook his head. “Not immediately.” He pulled Kaito into his arms properly. “Let’s both get some rest first. You, sleep. I’ll stay here until someone summons me. Or us.”

“Ah, okay.” Kaito smiled and snuggled against the other. He hadn’t realized how tired he was because he was out like a light before he even knew it. Something he’d need to fix. Later.

~*~

They were indeed summoned eventually but it sounded more urgent than just a mission send-off. Apparently Haku and Eiri had sent in news from their latest mission and it required all of them to be present to listen to it. Mamoru had left a step ahead of Kaito, the other going over the data he had prepared once more before putting it onto the server for a report.

Apparently Mamoru was the first to arrive at the room and maybe he had arrived a tad too early.

The scene that greeted Mamoru almost made him want to turn on his heels immediately and leave again. It seemed like he was intruding upon an intimate moment between the two people in the room. It was his first time to see Ichijima and Kamikita together. His first time to see the two of them as Messiah. It was strange and yet it made sense.

Ichijima had one of his hands on Kamikita’s shoulder and was leaning onto the other for support, his head down. Kamikita’s expression was guarded but there was a hint of grief in his eyes.

Mamoru stumbled a bit when Kaito almost bumped into him from behind as the other came in for the briefing as well. And he completely stumbled into the room when Kuroko back-ended into them as well. This definitely drew Ichijima’s and Kamikita’s attention and the two straightened up and took their positions on opposite ends of the table for the briefing.

The cadets filed in as well and Mamoru could see Ariga and Kagami on the communication lines. Yaegashi-san and Hayashi-san were also listening from the far corner. Almost everyone of rank and name in SAKURA was present. Something serious must have happened.

He could not have guessed just how serious. Not until Kamikita spoke.

“Kaidou and Mitsumi reported back from their recent mission this morning.” Kamikita started and then looked down. “And they had sad news. We appear to have lost two of our best agents.”

That sent a ripple through the room. Mamoru felt his stomach twisting painfully.

“Gojou and Shiba were overwhelmed by enemy forces during their latest mission. Kaidou and Mitsumi identified their remains. Apparently it was a trap set by Dr. TEN.”

Mamoru’s face hardened when he heard that name.

A picture appeared on the screen in front of them and Mamoru had to close his eyes. He was used to seeing death at this point but seeing comrades in such a state hurt.

He’d only caught a glimpse of the picture but he had seen Souma’s headband and a dark streak of blood down the side of his face. For Shuusuke the other’s glasses had been missing and his face had been almost entirely red. There had been several bullet holes in their clothes and dark swatches of blood on the wall behind them.

One bitter-sweet detail had made it into Mamoru’s field of vision as well. The pair’s hands had been joined, fingers intertwined. They had known that it would be their end, so they had died and gone off to the next life together.

“Kaido and Mitsumi will be trying to trace the enemy’s further movements. Yuuri-kun, I believe you have already assisted them with that?”

“Affirmative, sir.” Kaito nodded. He looked pale and shaken.

Ichijima took a deep breath and announced, “We’ll have to rearrange things a bit. So Shirasaki, you and Yuuri will be changing squad leaders. Kaidou will be your new leader. Ariga and Kagami will follow and report to Mitsumi. Momose, I leave the mission assignments to you.”

Kamikita and Ichijima both disappeared.

Kuroko, who was holding back his tears clearly, addressed Mamoru and Kaito. “Eiri and Haku split up. We sent Ariga and Kagami to backup Haku. You go and support Eiri. You’ll be targeting a possible research facility of Voskhod. We suspect Dr. TEN to be there. The order on him is dead or alive. We leave that judgement up to you.”

“Mission start.”

He and Kaito travelled together first but then split up. Kaito was staying behind at an intelligence base set up within the spy network of SAKURA up North. He would be supporting them from there, trying to get into the facility from the outside.

Mamoru would rendezvous with Eiri and set up a plan to accomplish their mission.

“Long time no see, Shirasaki,” Eiri gave him a small smile. “Didn’t really get a chance last time Haku and I were back at the Church.”

“Even if you had, I don’t think I would have appreciated it at that point,” Mamoru admitted. “Oh and please call me Mamoru. I think we’re all past the formalities.”

“You have a point there. Mamoru it is then. I’ll be Eiri in that case. Here’s what we got so far.” He drew up a plan and briefed Mamoru on the situation. While things were very detailed and useful, it was pure information. There was no underlying, well, plan to put it simply.

One difference Mamoru noted when it came to their seniors was that neither Haku nor Eiri seemed like leaders. They provided help and guidance but somehow they lacked the ability to string you up and pull you along that both Shuusuke and Souma had had. Especially Souma.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Eiri looked at him at one point and stopped the briefing. He grinned at Mamoru’s surprised expression. “Those two have always been like that. They are the absolute alpha couple. Even Haku and I would follow them when we were still cadets. Even if you did not want to, you’d still end up following them. And I don’t think they did it on purpose most of the time. It just happened. Their competence would just make you trust them and follow them.” Eiri shouldered his rifle. “Shuusuke had always been like that but it’s Souma who emerged as more of a leader as things went along. Although Souma would follow Shuusuke without question if he were ever to lead first. That’s just how damn good they are as Messiah.”

“You make it sound like you and your own Messiah aren’t.” Mamoru threw in.

“We learned from them.” Eiri looked out of the window. “They taught us a lot. But we work differently than they do. As you have probably noticed.”

“Another thing we have in common.” Mamoru smiled.

At the back of his mind he made a note to learn how to guard his thoughts more. If their senpai could easily tell what he was thinking, it was not impossible for agents of the North to do so as well. He would have to learn to shield his thoughts and feelings even more.

A soft beep drew both of their attention to their communication devices.

“Kaito cannot confirm the target on site. So the mission has been changed to simply gather intel and then destroy.” Mamoru read the message. “SAKURA is going into the offensive?”

“Rare but it happens.” Eiri looked down. “Shows how serious things are becoming. Time is ticking away and people are running out of options fast. Targeting and killing Souma and Shuusuke like they did showed that the North, too, is getting nervous.” His face hardened. “There was nothing guarded or secret or special about it. It was just a brute force tactic. Anyone would be overwhelmed by a huge number of enemies. One might say it was an act of desperation. They did not know any other way to stop them.”

“We will have to be careful as to not meet the same fate then.” Mamoru pulled on his gloves.

“I doubt they’d risk it another time. Not until they could replenish their numbers. Which I think is one reason why SAKURA wants this place destroyed. We would finally be able to gain an upper hand if we can make a visible dent while the North is low on Specters and Gs.” Eiri loaded his rifle. “Let’s go. The sooner we’re done with this, the better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH NO I DIDN'T.
> 
> ...I guess I did. *hides from the world*


End file.
